Stop playing roles (for a better personal life)

"When you don't play a role, there is no ego in what you do. There's no parallel program, like protection or reinforcement of the self. That's why your acts have a greater impact. You are entirely focused on a situation, you become one with it. You don't try to be someone in particular. You are very powerful and efficient when you are totally yourself. But don't try to be yourself. It will be a role you play, the "Natural and Spontaneous Me" role. As soon as you try to be this or that, you play a role. "Just be yourself" is a good advice, but that can also be deceitful. The mental will start to work and will say : "Let's see, how can i be myself?" he'll then start to conceive the strategy : "How to be myself." Another role. "How to be myself" is in fact the wrong question to ask, because it implies that you have to do something to be yourself. But the "How" is useless here because you already are yourself. Simply stop to add useless burdens to what you already are.
"But i don't know who i am. I don't know what be myself means."
Then, if you can feel perfectly at ease without knowing who you are, what's left, this is who you are. The Being behind the Human, the field of a pure potential rather than something already defined.
Cease to define yourself, is it you or others. That won't kill you. On the contrary, you'll revive. And don't give importance to the way others define you. When they do it, they limit themselves. So it is their problem. Each time you interact with people, don't be there only like a function or a role, but like a field of conscious Presence. Why does the ego play roles? Because of an indisputed presomption, a fundamental mistake, an unconscious thought. This thought is as follow : I'm not enough. And after this one, other thoughts come : I have to play a role to get what i need to be completely myself; I need more to be more. But you can't be more than what you are because, in your physical and psychological form, you are one with life itself, one with the Being. By the form, you are and will always be inferior to some and superior to others. By the essence, you're not inferior or superior to anyone.
It's by understanding this that the true self esteem and the true humility are born. To ego's eyes, self esteem and humility are contradictory. In reality, they are one and only thing."

E.Tolle (raw translation)

Conditional Love

Very early in our life as children, we believed we would be better loved if we complied to the wanting of our parents by being proper, kind, intelligent, hard working, industrious. Though the parental and filial love is amongst the most unconditional (love stays for the rebelled son, for the abusive father, for the failling mother, for the astray daughter), there can be in all those relations a game of swindling love that makes us believe that the affection is proportional to the submission.

"I'll love you more if you give me what i want; I'll love you better if you do what i want."

We encounter this belief in most of the love relationships where the behaviors are conditionned by the need to be approved and the fear to be rejected. Our "I love you" then mean : "I'll love you if you... I love you when you... "
Even farther, conditional love becomes countable love, barter love.

"I listened him, now it's his turn to listen to me, i can count on his care when i'm sick; I gave him my help, my time, i'm waiting for the same in return. If i take care of his pleasure, he'll take care of mine; If i accept to make love, he will love me; If i show feelings, i'll get his desire."

My "I love you" then say : I still love you because you owe me... You owe me all that you didn't give me... "
The affective accountancy is paradoxical, it carefully sums up all that never happened. It asks quittance for the refusals, the non-answers. It charges for all we didn't receive. It demands sometimes that the other stays in debt, which allows us to continue to make him feel guilty.

Jacques Salomé "Aimer et se le dire" (raw translation from the french book)

The Virtuous Circle

Everybody knows the theory of the "vicious circle" : some people are so affraid to be happy because they are conditionned to believe it can't last, (which is true, emotions don't last that's why we must not identify to it, but when we don't feel joy we don't necesary have to feel pain, we can be calm and peaceful), so those people prefer to stay in a constant state of dread, a perpetual uneasiness, and they search for hurtful emotions in everything only to stay in what they consider a safe melancholy state, if you stay depressed at least you can't fall lower and you avoid the fear to lose happiness if ever you try it, this is a vicious reasonning, can you see?!.

So what i'm proposing is : why not do the contrary and consider life on a positive basis, we know that no state, no emotion is lasting, so when we feel a bit low why not thinking : "Ok i'm down for now but i'm sure, and it's a fact, that will shift and i'll experience joy again" ("this too shall pass"), at once you can feel that you don't dwell on your negative thoughts, that the fright you are experiencing right now is not so serious, and already you can feel lighter, and because you are already less tense, you dare more, you are more open to people, and again because of the confident, positive, and natural image you present, good things happen that reinforce your good feeling, people are more inclined to talk with you, you enjoy where you are, wherever it is, your body feels more dynamic and alert, it's a fact that emotions have an impact on the body and many people create their own illness by a mental distress, so, do you see the process, everyone, it's just a matter of point of view, it's easy to choose now to see life in the direction of the virtuous circle.

The conspiracy of Thought

Emotions are everywhere, i'm trapped, every color, every sight, every person produces thoughts in our heads, even in the shade of our own little rooms, we can't get rid of it, we have to tame it or we'll never be appeased, we'll plainly turn mad, thoughts aren't the ennemy but they can be dreadful if identified to, when versed into unconsciousness, it is changing us, constantly flipping our statements and our care for everything surrounding us, thoughts can't be serious or i'll be a madman. And normality down there is to be mad, prisoners of forms and opinions.

When you know that, you can manipulate anyone, like films and books manipulate us, like advertisers and politicians do, controling by creating the emotion in the mind of people, and hardly no one knows that we all own the power over ourselves, not to be influenced and choose what we want to feel, that is called the virtuous circle.

MasterMind

Have you ever tried to go back in a dream you hardly awakened to, a nice dream, cozy and stimulating, something intense was about to happen and without reason you slightly opened your eyes, breaking it all down, but you strongly want to know what's comming next, the promise of warm feelings, so you close your eyes again and your mind gets at it, you force yourself to remember the setting and the characters, the color of what you were doing, and then you start to invent intellectually what you'd like to happen, but it's no use, and you'll never get back, because your mind already began to throw thoughts and wantings like shambles, clogging every possibilities to relax and be still again, that's the vicious power of thinking, hiding the calm bliss of the being, the best way would be to lie down and forget, with an empty mind, and let it come anew, naturally, without forcing, truth is with that technique you'll probably re-enter a dream but it will be a new one, once i had three in a row that i could remember in the morning, it's better than the frustration of a broken promise, no?!

"More" is ugly

I can't stop my awakening process, i know it's not the "more" that's important, it's just about feeling it inside, that nothing can crush me, that i have the power on what i want to do of this present, but i know too that i can't stop here, i need to discover, i need to learn more truth about myself and about the world, because i'm sure, when i think about it, that if, starting to that very moment, i don't evolve farther, get more overall conscioussness, if my evolution was frozen right now, and with the time passing, one day, in five, ten or twenty years, i will kill myself, i'm sure of it, it will be lethal to stop, it's vital for me to be a thinker, to be a seeker, i still have too much hatred for myself, and that's a painful paradox because i genuinly love the forms, the entities, the beings, that are not me. I want to be around people, i want to meet many persons, i want to love them, but i can't step up enough and be sure of my own form, i know form is the ego, that it's not important, so i need to find the true beauty of my inner being in its stillness, to let myself the chance to live and be open.

Happiness as a role and happiness as truth

Don't search for happiness, you won't find it. Why? Because searching is the very antithesis of happiness.
Happiness is always intangible, while release (relief) from inner misery is possible immediately, by confronting to what is, instead of inventing stories about it. Inner misery is hiding your natural state of well-being and inner peace, who are the natural source of true happiness.

Eckhart Tolle (raw translation from my french version of the book)

[If you accept what is and let your inner being simply be then pieces of happiness will present your way naturally, because you'll have the right mindset to notice it.]