Carnal message to myself

Do you remember my body,
not that dirty face,
but that body is worthy.
It has all the right muscles at the right place,
and nothing more.
It somewhat kept its youth,
because it never worked,
and it never lusted.
To all the lovers that body is defiance,
you couldn't find edgier.
Though it longs to be tamed,
in its pride no one qualifies,
in its madness it's ostracized,
remember that,
and cry.

Don't blame but Forgive yourself makes you stronger for the next time

"When we are feeling stressed out and guilty and ashamed, that is a state that puts us into the version of ourselves, the mindset that is much more susceptible to immediate gratification, temptation and anxiety.
It's basically the biological opposite of what needs to be happening in your brain and body to remember your long term goals and to be that other version of yourself (the one that makes you feel empowered and self confident). What we would call the willpower version of yourself. And as soon as you start piling on the guilt and the shame, your brain switches into that other mode in which now everything's gonna be more tempting including procrastinating or including smoking or drinking (or fucking, and any kind of self indulgence that we feel will patch us up quickly but in fact makes us feel worst after a while because that wasn't what we really needed, it was just a quick fake fix, a palliative)."
  
Kelly McGonigal, "The Willpower Instinct" | Talks at Google

I only do what comes easy to me, and that's my greatest mistake, i can't bear failure, i can't bear to be mediocre and be judged like it. I never fight for anything, or anyone, and i see now how it's such a shame.
But the state of mediocrity is only part of a learning process. One is mediocre when putting no effort to get better at something, and by fear or laziness stays stagnant in that state (more often fear than laziness, search behind it, the barrier thought is here, get it and break it, and live better).

My Utopia

Here are snippets of an idea. My point of view.
The economy, the job system, of our modern societies are based on money, on making the largest profit.
To me this is such a monumental mistake, a flaw, a vice in our way of living, because what brings true happiness?!, it's not money, everyone knows that, people tried and they constantly fall again into depression and lack, so what?!, in my opinion sincere human contacts is what brings the truest happiness, having friends, helping each others, being and feeling confident and real in presence of others (and also in one's own presence).
So i think we should shift the functioning of societies and the job system on that value, everyone should choose a job because he/she cares to do it properly, feeling fullfilled to be helpful and have good relations with others, it's simple, just let yourself be and you'll know that what you really want is be open and connect.
In the end only the useful jobs will be taken, those that really help people and are focused on the well being of everyone, everything that is a real service to the other.
And all the jobs that exist only to make profit will disappear, everything that is oriented to plain consumerism, everything that is of material possessions won't be needed anymore, and humanity will go in a rightful, sane, and caring direction, growing stronger by helping each others.
And if ever we need a pair of shoes, or a chair (only the essential will be needed), we will turn to the small individual makers, the real talented and devoted craftsmen, that does the job with passion because it's fullfilling for them to help people that way (and surely not for the money, though the work will also be rewarded that way, but more efficiently and fairly, so everyone would get a decent living, helping each others, without ever over consuming anything; over consuming is a plague for humanity!), we won't need cars, but buses and tramways will circulate because some people will care to bring that service to others. We will possess less stuff but we will share and help more, we will be less individualistic, only because we will understand that good relations, honest communications, between each others is what bring us the more joy and fullfillment in the end.
I throw that here, that's only what i think. Peace.