Can i sincerely exist?

It happens sometimes when I'm outside in the space within our cities that is called "public" and where we cross the bodies who form the society, to get insulted by groups of young men and to be despised by the laughter of young women; Do they consider me as a danger, a feared opponent and in this case i only should be flattered, although I find so stupid this mania from humans to be totally uncertain of their choices and their way of life that they are imperiously driven to criticize, point fingers and teeth to everyone ostensibly different in his appearance or his way of thinking in the sole purpose to reassure them;
But, also, maybe i am, for the majority, truly out of norms and the ugliness of my thoughts and my appearance can only arise the scorn of my contemporaries.
Despite all my reasoning I can not help but lean for them, they only reflect what I think of me who become painfully perceptible.

Or perhaps I'm simply ... paranoid ... and all is a trick of my mind.... but...

Assemblé dans cette etable de porcs braillars,
Je rumine en silence mon mépris pour ces couars,
Quand insidieux les nuages se massent
Gris et noirs chacun sait sa place.
Les premières gouttes fraïches et lisses
Jettent les porcs aux précipices
de l'éducation bon marché,
celle des ouvriers exploités.
Je profite enfin seul et libre
De cette ablution qui ravive,
Mes sentiments, mon coeur terni
Par ces gens qui craignent la pluie.

Assembled in this barn of screaming pigs,
I silently ruminate my contempt for these cowards,
When insidious the clouds mass
Gray and black each knows his place.
The first drops fresh and smooth
Throw the pigs to the abyss
Of cheapest education
The one of exploited workers.
I profit now alone and free
Of this whashing which revives,
My feelings, my tarnished heart
By those people who fear the rain.

«Nothing should receive a name, by fear that this very name transforms it.»
[ Virginia Woolf ] - The Waves

Dilemma

Perhaps what frightens me is that, like any human being I have no power over my life, what I like and what I hate, and I feel assaulted by all the things who're imposed to us and will ultimately shape us into a particular form.
I am aware of all the tricks here to control us and I feel my integrity constantly violated, I want to belong only to myself and have full control of what I am and what I think. My mind is full of sorrow in a world who doesn't leave us just live, a world who dispossess us, with each step, of the right to exist for ourselves. I think I have a strong desire for omniscience, to be unique and unrelated to anything that is created; Probably, i daily act against nature itself and therefore would be constantly abused and frustrated as long as I'll have this attitude because our brain works this way, by integrating informations that surround us then by relying on it to apprehend our environment which is different for everyone, objectivity become a myth, and this functioning won't change anytime soon. In a world so corrupted our perception has all the reasons to go astray.

...

".... if you're not overflowing... , then you have nothing to give."

Faith

My possibilities are infinite only because i don't need others to give what i am (my acts, my views, my feelings, my desirs...) a sense and some credit!

Exhort toward consciousness

Everyone should be aware of his functioning in his environment, which is in fact his life philosophy, because being aware of his words, his actions, help to judge the harm they can cause; some may choose to knowingly hurt what's around them, considering their own interest and in my opinion those will be to blame;
But I think if we were aware of the pain that we can do, many of us will choose not to do wrong. This is not the case now because people don't ponder what they do or say, they don't reflect on where they're going and the consequences of their lifestyle.
The Medias and the entire system of values in our modern sociéties corrupt our mind. In my opinion awareness must be taught the sooner in life, the parents must transmit better values to their children, to form a new generation of respectful individuals, but, who's gonna teach the parents these respectful values?! the Medias could do that, but they only have the profit in their line of sight. .... i'm sick.....