my force : my enthousiasm, my imagination, my passion!
my curiosity, my honesty, my respect!

minus : my fear of judgement, my fear of reject, my face
a clear lack of self confidence.

"We can do without truth and authenticity if we want to live lasting but unsatisfying relationships or satisfying but ephemeral relationships, but I don't think we can build a lasting and satisfying relationship without taking care of these two values ​​or two needs: truth and authenticity. "

little garden

A square wall of housings lining up that remote street, long, away, calm, lost, not tall, one storey high, on the shade of that one on the left a little garden with no fence, frail flowers delimit the small patch of lawn, a round little table in the center stood up, not wonderful, not pretty, but there, unique, solitary on the side of that long straight road, i knock on the window pane and swiftly the shadow of a face appears behind the glass, "me and my friend we've got tea and biscuits, will you let us enjoy the sight from your little garden, will you tell us your stories while we will tell you ours, share a snack and the weather with us on your little garden"

born with no grace

I could grab a knife or a razor and cut down my arm starting on the shoulder
I would go over and over, nervously, slowly, along the same line
letting my head spin, like a washing machine, and blend away the thoughts
in a swirl of poisoned blood, let it stain, persuasive
I'll accentuate the pain on purpose, till i'm numb, and vanish in unconsciousness
as if i could cleave by bits and scales, destroy the discomfort
by that punishment i deserve for letting myself hope with abandon
So gracefully
I will so gracefully cut off my weaknesses

That's a long run at dusk around that lake, "do you fear sweat?" i would question with a crafty smile, "then jump in my arms, tie your legs around my waist and nestle your head in the recess of my neck, i'm bringing you back home, tell me if it's too much unconfortable", the two sticky bodies in the wet t-shirts mixing sweat, glued together, so tight, and i'm purring at that incongruous and foolhardy image.

The wind is whipping my face and my mouth is already full of sand, i see from that ten meters high plateau the reckless waves below, in a dark blue, raging like a storm under a sky so perfectly clear, and that stupid dog jumping at me, unable to climb straight the steep crumbly cliff, i smile when he tumbles and stick his nose in the wet sand, leaving behind the goofy print of his pitiful attempt, even his master is laughing "oh clumsy dog!" a gust of wind brings her words to me.
I admired, before standing on the edge, the long row of dead pine trees still rooted proud up that height, revealing the hoary rotten surface where the bark had fell, along the trunks only stumps, all the branches broke down for the kids and pets to play with, throw, catch, good boy! *ironic*
I watch far across the ocean, it's my time to jump, i've always been a burning head, here's my surge, my leap of faith, come with me.

the flaws of films

Films depict characters moving, evolving through negative feelings, events are occuring through pain and conflicts, it's often the same in real life, and that's too bad because the same evolution could be reached with positive feelings, respect, and self knowledge and confidence.
Giving up to fear is so easy and humans for sure are weak.

and you know everything

Today i miss sharing real
i miss someone who can touch me
they don't share like me
with that true intensity
they don't share with their self
i don't want to dwell on obssessions, near perfection, providence,
delusion!
but people i'm confortable with
are hard to find
because they are few
diamonds in the dirt, rough, fragile, versatile
i miss intimacy
as i want it to be
i miss one
and i feel like you described
lying on the floor
lifeless
why do i write this here?!
until i'm seated next to you for real
my bare biceps around your bare shoulders
my hands on your revealed waist
my cheek on your cheek
my lips... all over
you can read that from the start
again ...and again ....and again,
as it is periodic
to infinity

and i'm made out of glue you know

(and i feel relieve that i wrote my feeling and that you'll read it, thanks, i want to know your true self and i'll ask that you reveal to me)

I did that once, long ago, not so long ago, i had those letters, paper cuts, with scribbling on it, one side is a clue, a piece of life, the other is the bond, the kind attachment, i had a pier and a sunset throught words in grey, i had the flat and large buildings of a university set up in black on a blue torn slip, i had the postcard of an endless row of ancient pens and ink, it was the road we chose, i had that photograph, i still have, which all seems contradictory to what you said, too bright, the sky, the pavement, the table and the glass of lemon fizz, your hair like wheat, and your colored eyes who were supposed to never smile, trying to hide behind black, literally wearing it, trying to counter the happy sun, you imposed your eyes the bashing of your ashamed body every morning, i went to know, i dared traveling with that photograph and the pieces of your life in my pocket, fondly lent, i wanted to know we were supposed to jump that bridge, a call at home said, she's happy now don't disturb this, i know behind that blackness there was passion, i went to know, too late, i scared my mind, all i keep are the mistakes, a long series of scars, hidden under my bed, i want to fly.

I want to fly
I want to take a plane
and continue to fly

no more mistakes as regrets, no more fears, no more misunderstandings, follow my heart before it is too late

"we are sat, without knowing, onto the only well that could truly quench our thirst. It's called presence to self, presence to the other, presence to the world."