Damned condition!

In that unknown town, on the other side of the country, walking down a wide street surrounded by tall buildings, along the road rows of huge and beautiful plane trees, on one of them a note, it's handwritten, a shaky blue ink on a wet white paper, i stop and i read :

"Old person, kind and well mannered searches someone to share the days and get rid of loneliness."

A telephone number is scribbled at the bottom.

And i asked myself "Will that also be my last resort someday, in my old days, because my attempt to detachment, awakening, and sufficiency would have failed?!"

Some stereotypical theories on some man/woman relational functionings

A man can go out and be intimate with several girls on a same period of time, he will offer presents to each one, and he will be totally present on a moment with the one he decided to meet that day, then the same with another the next day, giving himself sincerely to the other on a given moment, and he can make that situation last a long time, until he got caught not being exclusive by one of his lovers, men have easily polygamous behaviors without a moral questioning.
A woman will be in one relation at a time, but after a while she will search problems and create conflicts, she will pretend (and accuse the other) and make herself feel bored on the purpose of breaking the relation so she can get into another one, she can be in a series of faithful relations on a short period of time, one at a time.
So which is the most morally acceptable. We say men are sex maniacs and women are bitches, we should all get together very well in the end.

Your glasses are tilted she says.

(again.)

(yeah i know they are bent, i took a basket ball in the face some time ago.
So that's what they see of me, crooked glasses, on a bent, irregular face. If i keep it like that, that's all i am!)

song

Slowly

I'm slowly falling to the state of poverty. The metallic curtain in my room broke down. My brother opened the wall to check what was going wrong, then he ragingly punched a hole in the shutter with a screwdriver. Everything is left apart on the floor (pieces of glass, shreds of wallpaper, and chips of paint). I get picked for my carelessness, and peaceful attitude.

The kindest and most harmless of people keep grudges against each others, they violently reject when they are alone in the intimacy of their appartment and frightened heart, irritated by irrational thoughts on common events (like the rain, time, comfort, and appearance), and they blend apathetically when they sporadically get together, not saying what they feel, clinging to their negativity in silence. Where is friendship.

You blame yourself for the faults you see, in your lack of confidence, then you blame it on others for you doubt they accept you with those faults in the unconscious mind process that dictates : "how could they accept me if i myself already reject and are disgusted by what i sense of myself." We have our own perception, it's different for everyone, i, personally, focus on the positiveness, i'm on that way, i'm sometimes clumsy in my speech but i'm never malevolent, never, don't you trust me?, don't you hear it, the words and smiles of unconditional acceptance.

I welcome my mother openly with positivism, when she comes ten minutes every two weeks.

I went a long way from resentment, from escaping responsibilities, and if i learnt one thing that i want to be, it is to have faith in positiveness, to trust myself that i will be kind and caring in my opinions and beliefs, to be conciliatory and never search conflicts, i vow to be good to myself and everyone else.

So many people, and everyone is good at heart, settle for negativity when they are scared, they often don't recognize this in them, so they attack anything and anyone around like wounded animals, and they hurt themselves and others, how can i open their eyes and make them understand that they have the strenght to take over their responsibility without that be a suffering, in calmness and positivism, in the present moment.

My friends can hurt me, if i'm affraid of one thing it's the contagious negativity spread throughout humanity, so i progress, and i learn, and i want to love, everybody at their state of consciousness,  even as low as it can be, trust yourself in positivity and let's spend that time together in self created joy, that then becomes restlessly awakened, everyone in their body, our own smiling entity, that we can then share with others, why boiling inside when it's so liberating to let go and embrace life. Just try with me.

Drums session (beginner)

Starting with guitare at 21, then two years in a band as a bass player, why not learning to play drums now!
(This can't be seen on the video but i'm enjoying it, bah!)
(I always was a late bloomer in the matter of activities and taking actions, now i'm learning drums at 33, eh!)

A philosophical pearl from Dune

"..... to the others, we can say here that Muad'Dib learnt so quickly because the first teaching he got was to know how to learn. And the first lesson of this teaching was the certainty that he had the capacity to learn. It is disconcerting to notice that so many people think that they can't learn and how even many more believe that it is a difficult thing. Muad'Dib knew that each experience carries its lesson in itself."

Dune - Frank Herbert

(rough personal translation)

( happy to find a relevant line in a sci-fi book!)

Same range of analysis as the previous post, (i'm on that case right now, it amuses me)

I was watching a tv series the other day, a couple in a cabriolet stopped near a lake at dusk, a romantic place for a romantic scene, they are talking sensually, the girl is watching the boy with her big watery eyes full of dreams and desires, their faces almost touching, their fingers intertwined, sending each other loving smiles, and then she says : "I'd like you make me plenty of babies."
And i imagine the average viewer getting all cuddly and tender inside after hearing the word "babies", picturing the frank smile and soft skin of a chubby cherub, and so you accept that scene as decent and touching, feeling like a giant marshmallow.
Well on my side i'm thinking if she had said "I want you to fuck me tons of times right here right now!", how that scene would have been perceived?, because in the end no matter how you wrap it the act is the same, the two characters want to let their lust run and satisfy their wild instinct by having plain, sweaty sex.
I say don't be fooled by the twirls of language that is only form, the truth is much more crude, less convoluted, it's simple and it's ok to accept it, but i advocate that has to be recognized.