The Journey

Time to jump in the car, it's a long trip to an unknown place, Is forseen winding along picturesque and narrow roads. Everybody seat randomly, she chose to be on the back next to the window, i'm outside leaning on the trunk watching the path ahead with hope, starting from that town the murky sky is engaging, then turning my head our eyes cross, i feel the electricity, a pounding in my chest, joy reaches me, i imagine the attraction, that i'm wanted, it's a glimpse, we're nearly all in as i enter last, on an impulse, her so sage, authoritatively ask that the pretty young boy installed close to her shift place with me, this statement is strong, honest and pure, that no one argues and i'm thrilled anew with electricity running down my body, like a cue that she accepted me, she chose me to share companionship on that long, unpredictable journey, our glances are conniving now that i'm shoulder on shoulder with her, and we both stroke each other hand, smiling inside peacefully, we waited so long, we know everything, i feel i belong somewhere, she took me, she is sure, and i have no doubt myself too, such a rapture, freedom and assurance to whatever comes, our beings are bonded to see the good in all events. Let's start.

wipe threats to reach out

When we feel threatened, we can't give, out body and mind are too busy trying to preserve themselves, so we aren't interesting for others, it's a simpl rule but to me, true, and so important for communications between humans, we have to feel trust and confidence to give fully, and only if we are open, that we are able to give, only then people will come to us, which makes sense actually; that's how by fears we isolate ourselves, and the feelings of a person is something everyone can guess, with our animal instincts, it's natural, we can't really hide, the truth of the state of one person is oozing from him and other humans are naturally equiped to detect it, the procesus is simple :

-others want, like us, being understood and heard, they want sharings

-to give to others we have to feel safe

-if we feel tense, in danger our body and mind withdraw on themselves to protect themselves

-so if we want to share, be charismatic to attract others, we have to be confident, because others can feel fears and insecurities, it's the animal instinct we have all

In definitive it's a natural reaction to preserve ourselves that can isolate us from our fellow humans

Better being alive in the pit of hell

I'm here to talk about me, what else, all i sense is a projection of myself, people and situations, facts and ideas, everyone live in his very own and unique paradigm; so what phase am i in currently? There's a change, right now i can tell, i'm unkind, i seek for the impur, even in my dreams, i play everyday the wicked, the amorality of all the torturous deeds i'm confronted to, just doesn't reach me, i'm insensitive to kindness, i'm sick of mellow speeches and imagery, it's all dainty and reclusive, all i don't want to be at that moment, i built my skin as strong and dark as onyx, to protect myself from the recurring darts of this vicious civilization, to live amongs the scorpions you have to harden your shell as long as your soul, i'm not imitating anyone, but my thoughts are full of wild rides, lascivious creatures, punches in the face, insults and grinding noises, all that is discordant, perverted, savage, maybe i wish for the life on the line, i'm tired to be a victim, tired to wait in vain, nothing lenient enough will gonna pull you out of this pond of tar; Why wanting to be soft and respectful when one is convinced that his life will pass stuck in a degrading moldy state, one in the other like russian dolls, the consciousness suffering in the rotting fleshly enveloppe, also trapped between the four walls of a shelter i'm sure i won't leave, ever; So again why being nice, for who, for what, there's nothing here that gives me the envy to be tuned, to get my part, and be one with both or one of the systems, the natural one and the societal one, there's no need to be worthy of actions and thoughts, if i have to live like i do now, till the end, there's no higher goal, and no reward, everyone has the same ending, peace has the face of death, obviously being respectful and sensitive only cause your environement hence to crush you plainly, or worst, to squeeze out all the good you can give then drop you there scrawny and mentally miserable; Yeah my point for that long note is that i can't be weak those days or i get sick of myself, so i prefer to despise the goodness instead, to protect my integrity, my legitimacy to continue to live, don't talk to me mildly, don't try to lull my vigilance, to bore me to death, to turn me into a smooth wimp, what i do those days, the usual, i want it straight and gory, i want no manners, no sweet talks, i get angry to the victims accepting their wretched fate, i fear like the plague to be of that kind, if i can find strenght into directness and vulgarity, then fine, anything to make me strong and bear the shitty way of life, tempting, caressing, appealing, waiting ahead of me.

Respect

There's no feelings out of respect, it's something reasoned, something we believe in or not, Respect is a way of life.

(one can respect every trees, every animals, every humans, on the planet, but he has to create a link to feel something for one out of the bunch.)

Erotic Certainty (trace of a powerful feeling of security)

Last night i had an erotic dream! Involving Paz Lenchantin!(why?...?)
Like all fantasies it was as it must be to be enjoyed fully;

No emphatic, pompous, reccurent place :
a yellow lighted and painted kitchen; i was sleeping on the tiled floor with a blanket in front of the fridge, on the rough.

No music, no ceremonial, no counterfeited atmosphere!

No pressure, not one anguish, only the fluently trust and natural behavior of two persons free of all fears and complexes :
dressed in her commonly sexy shorts, fitting the warm sun entering by the sole window and calling for joy, lighted feelings.

No imposing, no moral, no questions, everything so sincere, free and evident :
still lying flat on my back and kind of awaking softly in the knowingly pleasing morning, she simply barged in the room, smiling like it is the only way she can be when she's close to me, she precipitates in one move, takes off her shirt, crawls under the thin blanket and clutches me, her bust on mine, a leap of faith, but radiant, believing truly in my catch, (at that moment i'm striked by the certitude that she does it because she wants it, she feels it, and she can do it countless times, leaving, far, near, a long time a short time, and coming back with the same bliss elightening her face) and i see her fluttering around, i swear i can hear all the ideas and the many worlds in her mind, my confidence is entirely for her because i'm sure that she is free to go everywhere she wants, to think, to act, to materialize all that is important for her, and in the immensity of the possibilities she possesses, that sheer intelligence and talent, that wild character and independence, in all the quality of her person, i read it my place, as the link to the motor of her life.

No need to oppress, nor possess! The obvioussness of our mutual belonging is what tied us without forcing any of our actions, or thoughts.