This is shit! because i'm crying
Why do you sing, get out of my sight, i hate you
i hate you all
you swagger with your pretty voice, you nod your head
why that has to be so pretty, a round face with clean cheeks
not a blush, but a cheeky smile
everything is combed so neatly
the fold of a dress, the glaze of the hair
the adventurous look and your trousers so hype
you, and you, and you
boys and girls
your games, your attitudes,
your properness makes me want to puke
the talent you display, the congratulations
how is it heavenly possible
you jump so high, swollen muscles
you overcome, you cut through
you touch
and shoot an arrow in my chest
i'm horrified, ignored,
at least eat my carcass, drink my blood
don't leave me to rot, notice my admiration
offer me a dance, a slap, so i can hate you more
despise you, and dream of murder,
murder me
i'm petrified, i look down, to the stains on my boots
give high five to those of your clan,
shout, intoxicate, pleasure
take it, take it, cram yourself with it
choke on it
my eyes are set on you
i can't help to hide and watch
hypnotized, i'm weakened
by the beauty, and the stupidity
and i hate,
i hate to love you
admired ones.
And i hate you for not loving me.
that's what happens when i miss someone to love me, i replace love by hatred.
is that serious?! honestly, can it be?
(this is just a text, i'm being despicable sometimes and dullness is a bore)
I know you wrote this to provoke, because it feels aggressive (I felt it while reading). But I don't take it personally, I know sometimes it's hard and we want to direct all that energy into a hateful feeling because the lovefull feeling doesn't mirror back with full force. Sadly, anger is more reciprocal.
RépondreSupprimerExactly! because in that case hatred only needs no responses to thrive and grow, while love needs to get something back, if nothing comes back then it becomes hatred, and that's a proof it's the ego feelings.
RépondreSupprimerIt happens in me sometimes when i don't give myself enough love and i become jealous of what others seem to have or do, the lightness that seems to be their lives, in my mind.
It's generally a burst, five minutes, a text quickly written, and it's gone, and it often occurs after a particular and very good day i would have lived, like if i was undergoing a downfall after the intake of a drug, and that makes be bitter that for now i can't sustain that nice feeling indefinitely.
Then you're right i like writting those aggressive stuff because at least it shows some momentum, some passion, even if it's negative, it's not dull and necesarily produces a reaction when humans read it. The same way i project that aggressevity toward shallow and cutesy stuff sometimes.
I can say too there's this desire in me to love all but i don't know how to make it real, probably it will go through someone, that's how someone can make you better, and that's why i want permanency, i must keep hope, it should happen, i wrote two lines that week about that, but it was too extreme, too cutesy, to post, but somewhat i feel this is the only thing i need to experience but i won't do it as a test because when i feel it's very serious.
This is too long, like i needed to talk, bye.