All reversed, the trick of physical

I fell in so many relational traps these past years,
it's all reversed,
you follow a lead, innocently, thinking : "ok i'm going to be respectful",
share and spend time with that person who seems to be interested in you, though you know from the start, from observations, quick analysis and perceptions, that the both of you obviously don't have the same lifestyle, the same expectations, the same mentality, the same tastes, you even know there's no physical attraction on your side, but the other is kind of stalking you, softly insistent,
(and it's gratifying for someone with a low self esteem like me,)
so for her there must be something in you that makes her want to know more, and you don't reject her, again in that idea of being respectful,
so she continues to slither around,
nicely,
that's only your own fault, poor girl that you are leading astray without even realizing it, because all you want is being respectful and give the other a chance...
give yourself a chance, to feel something, to taste a piece of a happy moment, maybe at last something real.

I must trust my instinct, because i'm a good analyzer, i know so much what i'm attracted to, i tricked myself and those persons, (those girls, because with boys that dimension of attraction doesn't exist, it's easier to be pals)
only because i don't want to do to them what i don't want to be done to me, that is to be rejected.
But in the end i feel abused, here how it goes :

So, you spend this time, and when you talk, when you share, you are real, completely yourself, you keep no secret, you express your opinions, you are focused on the other, and that way the communication is always good, though you see the limits of what is matching, so you share only what can be shared not to be boring, until comes that pressing need, but not in you, the other is pressing, oh so quickly, no time to breathe in a relationship,
it's all reversed in me,
they are women and they are the ones pressing to get things on the physical level, i'm always caught by surprise at first, in those cases i knew from the start this is so much not what i wanted, why spoiling a sane relation, but it's my fault because i knew from the start i didn't want to go on that terrain with them, my values are to build something strong and it never goes through the physical first,
or only something sensual and romantic, that's how i am,
i don't understand why even women are so eager to offer themselves all so intimately, here it wasn't kissing and groping, it was all the way, every night,
so,
do they imagine that's how it must be to keep a man close to them?
offering him sex!,
damn this could never work with me, and it embarassed me, every night, me who only wanted a deep connection, and a real love.
I will know when i feel that deep attraction that will lead things out there, but nakedness is the last thing to consider if you want to forge a strong connection with someone.
I'm thinking, usually it's women that are abused like this by men, i need to trust my instinct, then guess what to do with my self knowledge, and find people who think before acting and who know why they act, why they come to me, come to me for themselves and with the idea to be real and create a real bond, i long for a real durable bond, i will give everything.