The life is as short as a cigarette
Lighted in an ashtray
The wind stirs up and rages
Turns red the burned tobacco
A blue smoke dances like a snake
It's the so expected rise
Nobody guesses the slope
The half is already gone
A last dream then the dawn
...
You are dead!
(very old stuff)
I see you translated a poem you wrote in french!? Impressive...I hope it's alright if i make a few corrections with the tenses...it's up to you...
RépondreSupprimerThe life is as short as a cigarette
Lighted in an ashtray
The wind stirs up and rages
Turns red the burned tobacco
A blue smoke dances like a snake (i might be wrong if you didn't mean to say "snake" if so ignore my correction)
It's the so expected rise
Nobody guesses the slope
The half is already gone
A last dream then the dawn
...
I think you write here in present tense...which means the word like "stir" or "turn" needs the "s" attached.
Present: the wind stirs, the red turns, etc.
Past: the wind stirred, the red turned
(I hope you're not offended that i corrected your tenses. I like what you wrote...don't look past that truth.)
you're entirely right, thank you for your corrections, these few sentences are better like you wrote them, and you totally caught the image of the "snake smoke"!
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