Talking the peacefullness of an ocean becoming night sky

I am sprawled on a cheap couch, next to me is a big fat white woman, the room is dark, i can hardly see what's around thanks to the flashes comming from a switched on tv set, throwing in spurts that faint blue light, the soft dress of the woman gives me the impression she's naked, an enormous dough of fresh bread covered with a thin veil, we are here for a while now, settled as rocks on the bottom of an ocean, talking calmly, but continuously, without paying attention to the images on the tv, my limbs are flat dead, i turn my head to the big lady, she's huge, i can't see her head, her face, she's only a pile of round flesh, transluscent skin, i begin to climb her body, grabbing onto the wads, i'm talking to her, she's replying nicely, she's not moving, not helping either, then i lie there, on the top, using her smooth and large body as a cushion, and i'm watching the stars.

Describing the beauty as best as i can.

(what i see here is my newly awakened need for affection [i write "affection", not "sexual intercourse"!], total acceptance of my body by someone else, the sad fact that my mom infinitely loved me but only intellectually, wise and protective like a far away lighthouse, never in touching, never in soothing gestures, pats of affection, which led to my distance with corporeal needs and the importance of intellectual matching characteristics, also the lack of confidence in my physical appearance, compared to my iron drenched personal philosophy)