What i think is the current truth for a long time, i found written in that book, that is people get together not because they truly love another but to soothe their inner pain, to get support because they aren't strong enough, thus they form couples by default, expectation and neediness to their insecurities, instead of real asserted love, they get together not because the other is what he is and they love it, but because the other has something that allows them to feel stronger and supported through life, which is to me such a mean, often unconscious, decision (because most people don't know themselves and so don't know from where come their insecurities and how to overcome it by themselves, an obvious weakened mind.)
"Those who form an 'official couple' before feeling autonomous (that is being able to function by themselves) take the risk to depend too much on the other and to expect too much out of him. They don't take the time to rejoice in their independence and to discover how to satisfy themselves without a partner. Instead of spending some years to free themselves from the parental grip and learn to count only on themselves, they right away go from the parental house to the refuge of the couple, without ceasing to depend on others for love and support. Rushing like this in an intimate relation will deprive them of a unique opportunity to dig out their self confidence, the assurance and autonomy required for a couple to thrive.
Living separated from parents is an important step to turn us into adults. Living for a while separated from the opposite gender is also enlightening. A person able to find her stability on her own - or by sharing an appartment with friends of the same gender - build a strong basis for a future duet.
When our job and our friends don't satisfy us, we turn to partners likely to fill up our existence, instead of those with who we could share this one (share what we really are). Instead of mixing two full cups to be overwhelmed by bliss, we reunite with the other in the first place to fill in lacks (defaults, deficiencies).
Huge mistake : it requires to live happily alone to find the right person and form a couple."
(it's kind of my own interpretation because it's a raw translation and i changed some words but this whole text is an idea i agree with, to me true love is in self sufficience and then the choice of a partner.)
I think most couple relationships are a codependency. A lot of people don't understand autonomy, and they think their partner is their "other half" made to complete them as a person. That is their mistake! Because that, according to me, is not real love. That's clinging to someone because he or she represents a part of yourself you fear to lose.
RépondreSupprimerA happier love is when two people recognize their uniqueness and don't look to the other to feel like a whole human being.
I think a couple who is dependent on one another could suffice, but if one person awakens to his/her own independence the couple won't work anymore. And I'm sure it is a universal problem, people are not on the same page because wooing someone seems to be all about pretending to be something untrue. And then once they "win" the truth comes out and it's not pretty!
I read somewhere recently, a quote that stood out to me about a bitter take on marriage: Marriage is like a long, boring dinner in which the pudding is served first.
Ha ha
I agree with what you added to the subject, very well observed. Then everyone chooses what is his own definition of "loving", what is here is my personal belief, and it is rare to find people who agree with me.
RépondreSupprimer... and strive, and teach themselves to take on that path. Very rare are the people who understand.
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