To now, then nigh, and null (facts of the week)

I want to sit on a different chair, see a new interior, feel a new atmosphere around me, enjoy that peaceful time, (safely, with someone?!)

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I can get seasick only by focusing on my heartbeat. It's so strong, i'm shaking.

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I need to smell something nice, like a fresh towel or a flavored tea. The bark of a tree, the rain on the pavement. The perfume on my hands after i touched someone.

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"No one moved me like..." -dying of a disapointing life-

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I want to embrace you in my arms! Cloudy sky with gutter hues, wandering image, windy vast area of wet sand, the many ruffled plants on the endless dune, even you wreckage of an old rusty boat, i want to hold you tight!
(there's always a picture to go with words, if you want to keep the one your mind has created reading this then don't watch that Link [i just love the image])

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I was made to be externally poor because i'm rich inside, there's always two faces on a coin.

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We all are superficially beautiful once! Then it fades and those who are weak inside experience dreadfulness until they discover the unchangeable beauty of their inner being. An awakening which for many never occurs in a lifetime.

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Nevertheless, right now, today, whatever love has no grip on me.
Discouragement and unsatisfaction fill me. (the only cause is the lack of sleep, my own fault)

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What do you think i write to others?!

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I'm tired of those people of my entourage with no personality (so fearful about themselves that everything is a secret to store in their shell, most of the time unconsciously), and one has to be strong to face me, i long to encounter someone in which eyes i won't read (project) my ugliness and my oddity. I can't give them the security their frightful ego asks for, peacefulness and happiness is to be responsible only for oneself, if they don't want to share why are they asking me to meet them.
Watch out!, by chance, here comes an ambitious one, pulling my arm and flapping her eyelids!
But i'm still cold.

( "Here comes one tough cookie!" they say about her,

But I 

am still starving.")

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I'm healed through analysis, thinking and reasoning, by communication, leading to consciousness, because for now i don't have spontaneous consciousness, i need to understand to reach it. Talking heals.