jeudi 20 octobre 2011
the constant cheater is the sanest way
What is the most intimate : sharing intellectually the real nature of your inner being or the body?, who said physicality should be indecent and tamed away in human's relations, interactions, more than intellectuality and the disclosing of the deepest thoughts and personal stories hanging around in a mind? who decides?; To me there's no difference, we all have one mind and one body put together, that is who we are, so it's pointless to be ashamed of one part or another, to live peacefully we have to accept our real being, with thoughts, ideas, opinions and stories, that is inside our body, with its shape, silhouette and unique features, we accept who we are and interact with the world and people out there freely. So, does that mean, when i talk sincerely, with open heart, as it's my way to be one and true, to a girl, i am cheating on my girlfriend?, cheating on her intellectually. Think about it and you'll see it's not so different, so we should accept we are only responsible of ourselves, exclusivity doesn't exist, when you are fully unified in yourself. A naked body isn't more obnoxious than a naked mind, as they try to make us believe, just being one and free is beautiful.
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Maybe people put so much attention on the body because it is something tangible. You can touch another girl and you'll feel guilty because society views that as cheating... because it's tangible, visible, leaves signs (like you no longer touch your girlfriend because you satisfy that need with someone else, or she sees marks on your body that the other left, etc.)
RépondreSupprimerOn the other hand, emotional is more complex and therefore has less tangibility. So, your girlfriend would have to see you talking to another girl (the position of your bodies tell her if she should worry... if you sit closely together, your girlfriend would suspect you have affectionate feelings for this other.) Or, in the classic example, your girlfriend can rummage through your mail and computer files to look for evidence of emotional sharing. Again, that's a tangible thing. See, physical is more obvious and I think that's why so many people believe closeness of bodies is more important... more shameful, more guilt filled.
Ideally, you wouldn't feel guilty in the first place because if you go to someone else for connection (emotional or physical, it's the same thing I think... because both can be viewed as cheating) then you know your relationship is not satisfying. If you are open and direct you would have told your girlfriend you are feeling this way. You could sit down with her and explain how you are feeling, work out a way to bring back the connection. If the relationship is strong enough you'll build the connection back again, regain the passion, so on. If it's not strong enough, if the things keeping you together at the core are not worth it... then respectfully take a step back, say you want a break, say you want to see other people, say you are unhappy and are going to do whatever makes you happier. If your girlfriend loves you she should understand. Yes she will be crushed, but if she truly cares about you she won't cling... because clinging is causing your unhappiness. She would know that, all of this can be determined through direct honest communication.
RépondreSupprimerI think a lot of relationship are built on lies. People are deceptive because firstly, they are not true to themselves... they adapt to please to the other they chose, and secondly, they rely on each other for support (emotional and basic necessities). So for example, married couples have to go through a lot of steps if they want to break the relationship. The act of separation is too damaging, too scary, so they stay.
RépondreSupprimerI've heard in many sources that change is the greatest fear in humans. I totally agree, change is terrifying. We want structure, stability, guarantee that everything will be alright. When you interfere with that, people are scared because that control falls to pieces and there's a feeling like you're starting all over from scratch.
Obviously I have many opinions about this, it's a topic that interests me, it is pleasant to write my thoughts freely like this.
You are welcome here, your opinions are heard.
RépondreSupprimerAgain, probably, most people are insecure in themselves, in knowing themselves, that's why they fear to lose and change, and put their own emotional, intellectual survival onto others or a partner, which is a weakness inside that should be worked on if they want to live fine up to their own rules, free and serene.