the right condition

(soundtrack, can't find the clean version on the net)

Maybe she's right, people use all their life to search for tricks, reasons, means, disguises to create the contact leading [up/down] to intimacy, all their energy!, (it's conspicuous on the streets), while i conditioned mine to build up and educate myself, alone.
I'm a lost cause now.
I should enter a sect to strip me of all that i am, not the money that i don't have, i want to be skinned up to one big ugly sore, a fiery piece of coal, get used and abused, crush my bones into powder and reek again, i want to stink and disgust for an obvious reason, make me the worst of whore because i want to fuck the whole world proudly, everything instead of loving true and that cursed wise solitude, making me lonely even among friends.
(and so, which is about to get a break, maybe a break too sweet)