It's probably more than three years now, so long, will it pass and fade, will i feel i lost those years, three years spending to glorify that relation, thinking it was good for me, that it was fitting, soaring higher, and higher, and farther than the human mud, muddle, mess, i'm the mess now, i thought it was special but what i imposed to myself i can't ask of the other, what was i waiting, all those years and the previous ones, what was to expect, that i could live above all in my meditation, eyes closed but all senses sharp like a buddha, eternal, but i'm no god or stone guardian, i'm not a self sufficient creature now that i'm awaken, i'm a weak human, i'm yearning, and as i'm unprepared to the inclination and doing of my kind, the propensity to scatter, to take and leave not without hitting before, to enjoy mindless pleasures, now that i'm awaken to that filthy nature i can't do otherwise than being emotionally hurt confronted to those casual behaviors, i have to unlearn, get rid of that clear and naive body and mind, carve a new me in the dirt, or i won't last long in such a world.
"hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me"
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