i don't like...
i don't like what i write...i don't like what i am...
i'm depressed
i need to feel out of Olia (through something, someone not related to her)
because
i'm competing against all the writers, all the artists, all that feels, all that make her feel, to get her affection, and i'm tired, i can't win against that much.
but I write because you make me feel...
RépondreSupprimermaybe i make you feel, but among a lot of others, while how i'm living right now is only through you, how can i call that, love?, obsession?, despair?
RépondreSupprimeri write, i try to reach you fifteen times a day, i'm expecting things to happen, i'm waiting, but i feel more and more frustrated, i know more than any other that sadness draw people away, so i must row my own boat right now, and i row away from you and i hate myself for that, because you are all i want right now.
RépondreSupprimerlike you and everyone else i need to feel needed, yeah right now i'm losing that game...
RépondreSupprimermaybe it means we experience love differently
RépondreSupprimerI need you, but I put that need aside because if I let it consume me I won't be able to do anything on my own.
I think of it like a record, a sound, something I live to, constantly playing in my mind and in my daily life I move my thoughts further away from sound to concentrate on what I'm doing. And all the time the sound is present, just quieter when I need it to be, and louder when I surrender.
so i'm asking too much of you, it's like i lost my respectful motto, i'm sorry Olia i want things to be already for both of us, i want a nice conniving, i want to be lightly happy with you
RépondreSupprimer