Funeral

My greatest fear is : not being the right person, not being the right person at the right place at the right time, and finally to be for this reason rejected by others. So I decided I won't give a fuck and just do what I feel, but apparently I have some ideas and behaviors so marginal that nobody can understand me, obviously if no one understands me then I will be alone, I will try to find reassurance by telling me that they are wrong and it is better to be alone than badly accompanied.
But I don't want to turn crazy and I know one day I'll need others.

I had this vision a few times, I walk into a long narrow street, it's dark, the streetlamps spread a dim yellowish light, in that semi darkness i come closer of a group of young people forming a small circle on the sidewalk; A young girl in the group faces me and sees me coming, then she made me a sign by a delicate and timid swinging of her hand, I think I don't know this person but since one seems to show me some interest I walk closer, I have this feeling that one wants to ask me the time and I prepare myself mentally in this way, just reach my cell phone in my bag, press the button, read, then give the time indicated, it seems easy; Here i am at sight distance where each face painfully goes out in the feeble rays but is distorted by the poor contrast between lights and shadows; I am near now, I stop and i hear say : "ehm no, it's nothing!" followed by a scornful chuckle at the same time she puts her hand over her mouth to rudely wipe this grin while turning her head toward her male acolytes; I escape with long steps, I flee, I want to be striked down in the instant, i want to die, but by pride I would keep composure and leave with my chin up walking calmly without looking back, and I know I will bear all my life to be the wrong person.