Naked is my pride

Piece of writing : liberation

"So much is to discover, so many characters, dead are easier to find because they are in the famous names dictionary, in the history of art and litterature, most of the popular writers of that time are boring to me and mainly writing for money and pleasing the crowd, to keep their popularity they feel forced to release a book every year, probably almost at the same time period, each year, i'm searching for the rebels, the tormented poets, those hiding in their stuffy appartments, those unloved and framed in loneliness, those walking against the wind, breathing under water, but finally allowing mankind to go forward to a higher level of consciousness, those breaking the norms with words heavy as a sledgehammer, those no one wants to hear about, those finally paving my path, the old ones, though my favorites, with their interesting ideas, new for their time, are still and will always be to me full of mistakes, misbehaviors, misconducts, so full of lies, full of lies, full of lies, full of lies like humans are weak, like humans are conditioned to hide their originality beneath lies, their cracks, their insecurities, never accepted, never faced, and buried in the mud of their sick bodies, are they considered great thinkers?!, even by elitist men, by scholars, by educated youth wannabe fame seekers, searching to be cool, all ready to lie to protect their poor selves, Oh those regarded as great writers have mostly that fakeness ingrained in themselves to me, it's not their fault, like all the others, the common people, the average people, the shallow people, the poor people, the dumb people, the violent people, the promiscuous people, the hypocrite humanity, so i peck here and there in their work, in their thoughts, in the grey jelly of their corrupted brains, there is beauty and truth here and there, beneath the shame and the lies, and me, as poor, as weak, as stupid, as ugly as i can be, for some, for me, for aliens and anyone, i will always step above, stand above, real, sleazy and emaciated, but at least and that's the most important to me, free of lies!

M. was one of my lead, J. K., somewhat stupid impulsive alcoholic, A. N. devoided of personality, too shy, too weak to be real in real life, even in sex, H. M. which i've got nothing to reproach except maybe being too curious and passionate like me, about stories, about sex and experiences, taking too much time to know the sense of drive, there is beauty, sparkles and beams of lucidity in all of them, it nurtures me, i should be thankful, i won't fall for the same mistakes and foolishness, surely different ones, but i've got that one advantage of already being an open book, rational, realistic, individualist, like every writing people should be.
I downloaded n..... w....., i wanted to see it, why, right now i'm just sick of sex related topics and i don't want to speak about that, i don't want to think about that, i hope to see a fine analysis of human interactions, but i know that movie is from a book that is a novel, and a novel must show events and dramas, so there will be lies, tons of lies, and irrational, senseless behaviors, glimpses, touch, words, nods, undressings, faces, desires, sex, sex sex, fake sex, sex with abandonment, people can't even desire for real, they don't know why and where to go, why feeling, not feeling, give sense to their actions and absence of actions, so that book/film and the others i planned to watch, a lot, because i have that hunger, to rise myself above the shame, the dirt, the guilt, the dregs, the cowards, the malevolents, those they will be full of lies and it's up to me to pick the shards of truth in that heap of slobbery hay, Oh i will enjoy it, because i'm a gold digger, and i have that ability to forsee the nuggets lost in someone, everyone, even when they don't know a thing about it, about themselves.

Damn, it's so good to write, it's so delightful to express myself, here, there, in space, in time, in public, naked, naked, naked is my pride!"

(that's an awful word soon i'll replace "pride" by "natural respectful way", at least i over them recognize it right now)