Lost and Found

The other day i was talking with my sister, and she told me about her desire to feel again the desperate abandonement humans put in a teenage fusional love, despite that she knows now that it is a biased and devious attachment, based on personal fears of not being able to go on and solve things up by oneself, so based on lack of self love and self confidence.
That's usually what you get when you grow older and wiser, you learn to support yourself alone and the feeling of losing yourself in another has less and less ground to seed up.
I was thinking how it could be too late for me to experience that feeling, i'm too strong already, and i arrived at that age without it fully happened, two times in my life i felt to surrender and succumb unconsciously to another, but it was impossible to live, it stayed an unreality, it never reached concrete closeness and mutual sharing, so i only ever knew the suffering of a distant lack which is the other part of an unconscious love.
Now i don't imagine myself be dependant again, my philosophy is set and coherent to me, i could never be fooled again on the path of a co-dependant love, i don't pity myself as i vouch for my personal truth and sincerity, probably those experiences pushed me to discover more about the strings in our psyche, the vicious conditioning that manipulates our feelings, maybe i forged that philosophy of rationalization and individualism based on those painful experiences, but i can only enjoy now to be aware of my inner functioning, i wipe off all negativity, and my rationalization makes me think that i prefer to be alone but true, serene and open-minded than with someone but in a fake relation, clinging because of an unresolved self loathe.
...or clung at for the same reason in the other.