On the "soul mate" matter

If we consider the concept of "soul mate" as someone that satisfies us on many levels, someone we feel we want to share everything with, and come back to endlessly, then it can be analyzed, and it's not random, to me it's not unexplainable, or magical, or whatever, but first it's important to notice that most of actual human relationships are corrupted by the egoic self, the judgments, the concepts, with which the mind put the world and people in boxes, so firstly to have a pure relationship and so be able to find a "soul mate" we have to be able to love, without judgments, without our mind, that is accepting what is, the nature, the people, the situations, around us, accepting it without being hurt by it, that's knowing how to truly love, and that's the first point, but then there are other factors that have to be taken in consideration, because you can be open to love, encountering someone without labelling him/her, and still recognize that this person won't be able to transcend your emotions, to vibrate on the same level as you are, and that's fine, there's a lot of different vibrations in people down there, and all have a right to be, but to find someone that fits yours you have to consider some other things like : values, tastes, hobbies, opinions, preferences, so some things to share on the form level, some things that put the both of you on the same path, the same mind direction, but at the basis without judgements, and without expectations; i'm probably not exhaustive on that analysis but that's a part of what i think.

oh and yeah, it's useless to search for perfection, the perfect match on every level, every detail, that we think makes who we are, after the few pre-mentioned steps loving then becomes mostly a choice, a belief.

My absolute truth

I want to share something innocent, all i can do in that blog is sharing what is me, my mind, my perceptions, my analysis, my beliefs, my fantasies, without depreciating others, or imposing, often i don't wish to attack, but i like to play with irony, sadness, anger, dramas, and sexual impulses, to expose what is the world through one pair of eyes, i'm not a teacher, nor an ennemy, i don't own the absolute truth even if my egoic self would like to reach that goal and make everyone else bend to his will, in an idea of being understood and accepted at last, make that everyone sees and understands my point of view so that to accept i'm not a dangerous or lunatic person, that i have pleasures to give and i am worth of love, i present here how my fear of rejection built a kind of pretentious, intolerant, distant and cold face in myself, before when i was unconscious that's how it was perceived by others, and i resented them for not sensing my distress, my longing to share, to be part of their groups, to live the experiences they lived, together, i'm a caring person and i preserved myself through isolation, i couldn't hurt anyone than myself;

Obviously now i'm getting over this, it was a long time ago, i was still at school, my idea now is to accept, what makes others, and what makes myself, and on that blog i want to expose only what's me and what i sense, without a shame, that's growing confidence, if i accept what i am, what i like, and it can be seen as ridiculous or whatever, it can be judged negatively, but if i'm fine with it because i know what and why i like this or that and if i can enjoy the entirety of that world i perceive then i'm safe, and no negative spears can reach me. My absolute truth i don't want to fear, i can present it bluntly, openly, sincerely.

From up close it's almost like a random stain, with nuances of the same color, (a pretty bright purple, i don't judge colors), and when you watch it wholly it takes that perfect form and the mind sees the touching creature in that harmless cutesy sleepy position. And i like it.

(i'll put more on that blog from my world of forms, some people will see what i see, some people won't and that's ok like that, it makes the richness of humans and why we should all be sharing respectfully our personal point of view, there's so many things and pleasures to share.)

In the end my need is to connect and love what comes to me.

The Fruits of the Earth (begining re-reading)

I set my grip on a marvellous book, one i've read before, full of deep sensible, and poetic philosophy, i read it again with a fresh mind, it is such a joy, already i love that man (the author) and his mindset.
(Here is my attempt to translate a couple of extracts from it)

"Nathanaël, make that every expectation in you is not even a desire, but simply a disposition to welcome. Expect all that is coming to you; but desire only what is coming to you. Desire only what you've got. Understand that at each instant of the day you can possess "God" in its entirety. May your desire be love, and that your possession be in love. Because what's a desire that isn't effective?"

"The eagle is elated by his flight. The nightingale enjoys summer nights. The plain trembles with heat. Nathanaël, may that each emotion able to become a delight for you. If what you eat doesn't elate you, then you weren't hungry enough.
Each perfect action comes with voluptuousness. With this you knew you had to do it. I don't like those who give themselves worth through tiresome work. Because if it was painful, they should have done something else instead. The joy we can find in it is a sign of appropriation of the work and the sincerity of my pleasure, Nathanaël, is the most important of guides to me."

André GIDE

This is my definition, my life force, my motor

What can i share that isn't love. I try. I've come to think that everything that comes out of me is love, it has the dynamism of passion, it's a passionate momentum, there's even love in my hatred, at that moment of my living it is that strong.
(It was written from the start in the title of that blog.)

(song)


I've read :

"Love when you're Ready,
Not when you're Lonely."

I think humans fear to love,
it makes us vulnerable
because we love through our egoic selves.
Freedom will come by loving through being, naturally.

A dark room in a tall brick building of one of those megatowns,  the moon is out, and a pale blue light is coming in through the windows, a man and a woman facing each other, standing in the middle of the room, the woman's cheeks bring the corner of her eyes down, she's saddened by something, the man is lips closed, emotionless, impenetrable.
She says slowly :

"Could you take me in your arms?", and maybe she trembles.

"Yes!" he replies, but he doesn't move, and stays unperturbed.

After a little surprised look, she's thinking about what she said, and realizes how his mind functions, he considered the question literally, in absolute, and yes he has arms and so yes, if ever, he would be able to embrace her, so she reformulates :

"Take me in your arms."



Most of humanity is so lost in projections and mental images that we interpret everything and everyone we see (and feel), and so we communicate as to be interpreted, wouldn't it be much easier to speak clearly what we mean, what we want, the mind functions with concepts, and concepts are what put a blur on the truth, on reality, it is said that "understanding" (as in processing objects, people and situations) has few to do with the truth. Probably to see clearly, and be real, we have to stop thinking ahead, away, trust ourselves and the moment, accept it, see the world with a new eye, and say it.
(But i agree, when aware, it's fun to play together with the different degrees)

atonement

(deserving to be scutinized enlarged)

Hit me, challenge me, but who can?!, willingly, I wish it was you,

the Graceful One.

But i should just push myself into the light.

when i watch this movie, i could swear i have asperger, because i understand very well the logic of the guy, but no, i don't like be put in a box, and actually i feel i see the two faces of the mirror, mostly i understand, my own way, not wanting to be betrayed, so discard the liars, but i don't want to be self centered, i read what is harmless, though, we never know, others, and to me, things have to be proved again and again, and in the end they are confronted that there would be happiness for everybody if we were more honest and positively outspoken.
Loving is a choice, definitely, it's like placing tokens on a board, and you wish you win the jackpot, so there's either too much love in me, or none at all and i'm devoided of compassion (and i'm speaking about the real deal, not any primal desires or fear induced attachments), and for now it swings, even if we don't suffer from it, love (cross that word) relation, communication, interaction needs "fuel", i don't need it but i want it.
(And yeah, it's so much easier to keep up when you can be physically present, you can call and propose an activity to share, a place to go, you don't even have to talk, cinema, sport, concert, those can't really be written about or it loses most of its interest, it has to be lived, so yeah there's a trick, you can send letters filled with pieces of philosophy, personal opinions, or if you can let yourself do it, some words of affection, but all this has a different kind of power when it can be shared in reality, the fueling is much simpler to get and to share. Lucky those who can have the two ways with the same person.)

What's wrong, the dumbest jerk on earth could do it........................................................,
i mean,..................... a basic unconscious person can do it.
I was proposed, here and there, subtlly,
by a roll of the eyes, the chin a bit low,
by rubbing thumbs, even sometimes secretly in public,
by being brought to a dark isolated place, the starry sky as blanket, and a fire to force the desire,
i was offered presents with a pure heart, to nourish my body, to cuddle it, to take care of it, a conspicuous offer to engage wholly,
blindly,
but everything in me, except the good sense, resists.
Subtlety, delicacy, grace, in that name i stay distant, i feel like the wildest of animal, the rarest,
the most alive,
and a brush in the ferns makes me retreat, thinking it's impossible,
it's vain,
this is not what i want,
but like all the others i want companions, i just don't share that taste for the hunt, there's a repugnance, continuous questions,
doubts,
rising, rising,
and it seems no one can catch it, so few try to understand it,  but never tell,
never,
then,
then alone is present as the only logical way, as all in me seems delicate, except the good sense.

Rules for relationships

I'm not here to entertain you, if you want to listen to me i have things to say, i have things to share, but don't be dependant, you have to choose for yourself to meet me, to be with me, sincerely, faithfully.
And it's the same the other way, the same mix of space and faithfullness is given back.

'la délicatesse'

 It's difficult to find honest friends, it's difficult to love when one is ugly, in this batch of unconsciousness, give me the saddest girl in the world, how to know she won't go away when one bears in himself only the delicacy.

C'est dur de trouver des amis sincères, c'est dur d'aimer quand on est moche, donner moi la fille la plus triste du monde, comment savoir qu'elle ne partira pas quand on a pour soi que la délicatesse.

Two quotes from that magnificent book

"It is easy to do good, to be frisky;
To stay away from all pettiness,
But smiling when the heart beats suddenly slower,
Here is what deserves to be learned.

The one who gets to this won't ever grow old."

------

"People we can imagine old while they are still young turn precisely into the most beautiful old persons."

Hermann Hesse - Eloge de la vieillesse

Reincarnation

Humans reincarnate each time they identify to their emotions, to their thoughts, to a things or a person, each time they transpose, each time they project themselves away from the present stillness in them, imagine how many times it can happen a day, imagine how disorientating, how alienating it is.
I hammer it again, if you want to be fine in your body, if you want to find real durable happiness, don't identify, but find the accepting stillness inside you, the consciousness that you are that is loving everything and everyone equally, in all unicity, and that gives you the power to choose for the best.

I was thinking the other day how some people need big, extraordinary, and materialist displays that they are appreciated, loved, whatever, like getting offered a trip to the sunny sky of a far away island, or some expensive piece of jewellery, or the complete package : champagne, roses, and a limousine to take them to the most pompous restaurant in town, i was comparing how it's not my tendency, and that i would like so much more the little daily signs of affection, like a little note on the fridge, a little mail after i left, or being taken to an important emotional place for the other, even if it's the humblest of places, buy a bottle of juice and sit on a bench nearby, holding hands, or being offered the smallest present ever, or even simply and that's the best, hearing directly from the other that i'm important for her, those little sincere attentions i care for, and i would wish they could be coming from the heart, and recurrent for as long as life is.

I can enjoy champagne and limousine, but i don't need it to be happy.

I like to tease, i like to play, i think i'm bored with dullness and commonplace.
It consumes a lot of energy, so it goes in spurts, between calm moments, and even naps, but i need to wave the excitation of imagination, irony, and drama.
But who listen more to fancy-made stories than commonly introverted people.
Those, i know i adore.

Reflection :
Maybe one of the worst feeling is loving someone the best you can, and knowing, that you're not enough.

The Whispered World

 (the whispered world)

Some video games are of the finest pieces of art to me, i choose carefully, i watch, i listen closely, even if most i don't play, because i would feel i'm wasting my time searching for the resolution of the many wobbly riddles, i'm hypnotized by the beauty, by the magic of the conceptual drawings, the created world, i feel i'm traveling in the shade and light, in the haze and clouds, on rocks or on grass, and i'm merging with the emotions of the characters.

                                     

Remember "the little chimney sweeper".

Life is not in the doing, Life is in the being.
We can do nothing at all and still feel alive and well.
We don't own a life, We are Life.
That's consciousness, We are consciousness.

Bon appétit America

Yeah we also have that kind of shit in France..........
(this well made little documentary seems to praise the technique to make that kind of food, ref : "a mouth watering meal is just minutes away", but it mostly makes me want to puke)

Monkey

Guybrush Threepwood : "I think i have better things to do than talk to you".

Herman Toothrot : "I think you will find that the concept of 'better things' is the frailest of illusion"

monkey island 2 (adventure game)

(running for "better" and identifying to bodies, things, and forms is the best way to lose oneself and never be satisfied)

You bring me that you're so easily touched that i must be clear, kind and accepting, and that's who i want to be.
And when two persons have opened to that reality then this is real happiness, love, trust, and the best feelings a human can have.

-----------

I want unconditional love and i want exclusivity because i feel that's what i can give too, that's why i must find someone who perfectly knows the details in the different feelings we can have toward another, and that she decides for herself to be with me. But to be sure it requires to try, the most sincerly we can.
If a relation comes to term we learn so much more when we had decided to put a real effort into it and let it flow, then don't identify to it, we can live on with no resentment, knowing more precisely what we want, and more accepting of what is, that way it becomes more and more easy to feel happiness.

(and sometimes people aren't ready at a given time to be together, but after some experiences they meet again and discover they followed the same path and finally fit together, they understand themselves and the others better)

 I have no right to impose this on anyone, and i don't, and if i was all confident in myself i'll be able to trust more easily, but for now i preserve myself with that demand because my rejection wound is still deeply engraved in me, though i can tell i'm more and more supple as i learn to respect myself and others. There's no turning back, i go forward for the best.

Before, these kinds of denunciation was making me bitter for i thought i was almost the only one to notice the unconscious behaviors of humans, now it makes me smile at the irony.