I don't trust

Because i'm not perfect i can never trust that someone won't ever trick me, fool me, or cheat on me, here's a belief that causes a dilema in me to be happy with people, i get lonely and bitter, i feel abused when i confess, when i share so openly, so heartily, as it's my way to be, my craving to be answered back favorably, to be a subject of adoration, as i myself can adore.
My reasoning is, if i was perfect, physically, mentally, intellectually, spiritually (basically i tolerate my intellect, but i think i'm physically ugly), then people, and the person i choose to be exclusive with, will necesarily think i am the most worthy of their attention and affection, so they will never leave me, that's irrefutable, and that proves that i'm lost in judgments and comparisons, me against other boys, even girls, trying to define who is the most worthy, and which are the ones, and the one that will never betray me, i know that the answer is to accept "what is", my form, my situation, and the people of the world, with their flaws, their own unconsciousness and conditionned beliefs, as we can accept trees and flowers in nature without judging if it is pretty or ugly, "it is" and that's all there is to know, i need to build up my self esteem, re-condition myself, or i would always feel down and doubtful when i disclose, i could never connect, i could never get someone, get someone to love me and trust that.

I want to feel that i can be all to one.                       I want to live a relationship with confidence. 


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Here's a motto found by a friend and sent to my cell phone : "I feel crippled because i fear i'm imperfect. I want to be free to be and i accept to be imperfect in the realm of forms."