The No of Nowhere

I had seen from the begining you were deceiving yourself, going over all you said you stood for, you used me every night and every morning, or rather i let myself used despite the limits i settled so clearly, believing you had made that choice in perfect understanding of the rules.
You kept reaching with your insatiable thirst for desire and joy, eager to have someone to put your dreams onto, carrying you mindlessly, someone that will give you the security of his arms and chest each time before you ever have to ask, you wished for a telepathic affection, and a life made of gold and sugar, blind to questioning the sickness of mankind, the bombs and the blows, the why"s" and the how"s", i thought you understood, we were so far away, from the first word, i knew the well was shut and filled with stall water, i could only be a caged sailor on a fragile raft, my poetic imagination and my ravenous lust for knowledge slowly shriveling away, leaking out of my dismantled carcass, in that vain environement, shallow, dark and narrow, that will be my tomb, i had to cut the leash right away, and i thought you knew too, all that, all that i'm not, and all that you are, you got tired i'm not fitting the mold you set for an ideal partner, "sorry lass" but i'm an unbound thinker, frigid to chains and expectations, i warned you and you were so innocently projecting the suave pile of your desperation that were more and more like stones thrown at me, as i noticed your coercive appeal and the fright of my distant heart.
Now you free me and you free yourself, you showed your face proudly to wave me off, and i agreed with a smile, the wind going under my coat, making me shiver, all back to the immensity, it should be fine, like i want, but that dried misleading uncertainty now corrupts me to ponder if i'm ever doomed to feel an absolute need and bond to another human being, and if this phase of my life revealed my incapacity to a recurent feeling apart for the fantasy in my mind, the thin white with colored eyes, giving me just enough hope not to end that dreary life, where no sense-blowing connection is possible.
You unconscious people vowing to make one with that girl or that guy laying insistent gazes at you, and touching you like you're a slice of smooth cake, can be happy, oh! crazily happy, absurdly happy.
Be happy for me.