dimanche 4 mars 2012
bore
I'm available for hatred, throw rocks at me, at least, at last, throw blades and your splitted tongues, that's a new occupation, i'm a punching bag, a kicking bag, i'm a spiting bag, a modern ugly iconoclast jesus in desperate need of veneration, of "whoreshipping" (damn!,fuck i'm bad!), i'm searching for an activity i will light up on doing, got style in piss and shit, i could strip of the awkwardness, the buffoonery, rip that skin and become something worthy of admiration and the cheapest but craved pity, (craved by your imperious need for indecency and mean voyeurism), my face all covered in blood, my body covered blue, masked, transformed, if i'm not good to receive love, not good to give love, maybe i'll be good at hatred, the filthy hatred, the incensing hatred, the jubilant hatred, i could transcend myself in the angel of bore, come back to hit that flesh, again and again, hate me till i'm your obssession.
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You're falling back on negativity.
RépondreSupprimerIf i get too happy i'll have wrinkles at the corner of my eyes and my mouth.
RépondreSupprimerDon't worry this is mainly a manipulation.
I entered an emotion, i put it some random style, here is that, i'm perfectly ok, i actually wrote that after a really nice dinner with a couple of friends, i had a line in my head while coming back on my bike and i exploited it, i wrote that knowing it's irrational, just playing with emotions and style, even if it's true that to write honestly you have to feel the words you put down for a moment, till it's cleanly in form.
Remember what i told you, what Pessoa wrote too : writers are fakers, forgers of emotions, don't make convictions over what you read, (you can ponder it but don't believe it one hundred percent when it's out of someone else's mind), if you want to know someone's truth just ask the question and you'll have a clear answer (or at least you'll make the other reflect on what he said or wrote).
RépondreSupprimerI remember an interview of Elliott S. , the guy asked "Are you a sad sack?", and S. looked at his friends around in the bar, smiling mockingly, and he says, challenging : "Am i a sad sack?", no he was just a sensitive easy going man using writing as a catharsis but with the same goal, and the same natural disposition as anyone to enjoy life (even if some people aren't aware of the will to live of their inner being).
(This is some additional comment i write down that i could have skipped because not really relevant, but i woke up with a forceful desire to share, anything, even the slightest thought.)
I see, so you were focusing on a feeling even to express it to the max. Even if you don't feel like that everyday.
RépondreSupprimerI think I understand it, but I feel I don't write this way. When I express something in writing I feel I am expressing a persistent emotion, not an exploitation of myself and my everchanging feelings. That is why I become frustrated with my older writings, because often I look back and see that they don't match me anymore... and then I have the urge to take them down, delete them from the public eye, because they don't reflect me anymore. I recognize that is illogical, because in fact the purpose of writing is to see how one changes through time, evolves, and if I throw it away then that record would be gone and that would be a loss for me.
I think you could mistake as not taking it as it is, no emotions are persistent, you feel something, you acknowledge it on that moment, and then it's gone, on the basis of a human life it's like a flash, we can write to make some kind of personal art, it's got a style, there's an emphasis on one sensitive subject for us, but once it's out it isn't ourselves already, words are just a perception of one person, not reality, so a dramatic mind will overly rise and burst out any emotion, is that emotion rational or really that impressive, not so i think, we fool ourselves by making it as big as our unconscious helplessness, but it's only a foul perception, Eddie V. wrote and shouted on stage "this is my blood" for us to understand how much he was honest at giving himself out there, but was he really dying on stage, no, every next nights and years later he is still singing that powerful line.
RépondreSupprimerMore talk :
RépondreSupprimerIf you keep coming back to a negative emotion generating a negative state, unhappiness and discomfort, if you keep doing the same mistakes leading to an horrible state, that means you refuse on purpose to evolve, to think about what is causing your troubles, and working on a personal philosophy to be fine in that life.
Our negative emotions have that purpose to push us forward, to make us think and understand ourselves, human beings naturally want to live and be happy, you can use a cathartic activity to get the negative out, that's what writing is, and then you go on, letting it behind you, and not fall in the same mind trap again, (yeah it's not so easy, but we are intelligent being with a will to survive, it's true that this will if misunderstood can lead to depressive and paranoid states, but there's always someone around to learn from and get help), you can also using it consciously for art.