(I may be wrong here, don't lynch me, but i feel to write that, if you have things to add to the subject please say your opinion respectfully)
Here's up to me part of a secret about men.
To act sexually with a woman, a man has to see her as an object of desire, "object" is the key word, so he has to shift his focus onto the animal part in him, it's like changing tracks on a cd, he has to lay down the thinking part : the brain, and the emotional part : the heart, because if a man keeps too much sensitivity into intimacy he will make love with caresses (finally more like a woman will do), a lot of attention and kind words (the intensity depending on the personality of the man obviously), but no penetration, for the blunt and vulgar sexual act he has to switch and take the woman as an object to possess entirely, it can be traumatizing for a man, schizophrenic (it has something to do with the feminine and masculine parts that we all have inside us), and after the act it requires to switch again to the passionate mind or the "heart", something more gentle to stay beside his partner and continue to comfort her, and it can take a moment for a man to switch back, i guess that's why some men need to take few steps away after the act to recompose themselves or they need to stay silent, so please be lenient, but i want to add that if a man takes too much time, or sighs to come back, maybe that means he just considers the woman he slept with as a piece of meat and all he wanted was carnal pleasure and no other sharing, not from the heart.
I guess in women, emotions and sensations are closely tied up, they function mostly with the heart, while men has to shift often during intimacy, between the animal part and the sensitive part in them because they need focus and can focus only on one thing at a time (unlike women who are more "multi-task" persons), and that's not so easy, hence the incomprehension that can rise between man and woman regarding affection.
It's nice to make love with carresses, but it is said that when a man discovers the other way to do it, the animal way, then he can't go back and will mainly be stuck onto direct sexual relations, can't we switch willingly then?! hmm.
I think the way a man feels in those acts depends on the woman he is with, depends on the kind of relationship they have (again a question of balance).
RépondreSupprimerHere's what I think: When a man orgasms he has to break away from the act and rest (that's why so many women seem to get offended when the men seem to lose interest in them when they finish the deed).
If they love each other, the man wouldn't view her body as an object and will want to caress her even if he already felt his climax. I think, ideally, couples want to prolong the sex which means the man needs to focus on the reaction of the woman's body. If he focuses on her while making love, he won't be thinking about himself and therefore not orgasm himself.
I have seen a lot of trashy advice articles people read in magazines that tell him how long they should cuddle afterwards. I say, rubbish! If you have to take instruction from an article you're not acting sincerely.
I also think, women and men are not that much different. Not all women are touchy feely. Women are conditioned to feel shame about rough sexuality, so they are supposed to think more in terms of heartfelt emotions than the animalistic nature of the act.
As a woman, and maybe this is inappropriate to say here but I don't care, I won't feel the little death if I think of my heart and emotions. So in a way, a woman can feel distanced from the man when she gets her pleasure. Because it's not really him that she thinks of, so it's the animal way for her too.
sexuality is always rough if you want to reach the high, even when the man uses caresses only, that's my opinion, so there's no shame to have as long as you know why you are doing it, that you are fully consciouss of what you seek and get. I truly believe that men have to shift their focus depending on the type of love they want to practice with their partner, (because as you said it a man has to focus on his pleasure to reach is climax), on the other hand women don't have to act as much as the man, they can stay still (they can imitate a starfish, as my sister says) and it will works generally, it's not the case for the man who has to be very focused.
RépondreSupprimerI'm concerned if i didn't throw a sensitive subject for some, but i'm writting here freely my opinions on this.
To me the ideal is to be able to switch willingly, and respect the other by being fully present in an intimate moment, but i know i'm totally not a reference in that matter.
Again ommunication is important, and reading the other reactions for both to be satisfied at the end. For me being communicative and sensitive is inevitable.
RépondreSupprimerAs i already said for my case i couldn't be intimate with someone i can't be fully present with, mind plus heart plus the animal part, that means being imaginative and wild, sensitive and passionate, all at the same time.
RépondreSupprimerWell, i strongly want to be able to give everything, but my mind has barriers for now, i'm breaking it down slowly.
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