and mE in this?!

I understand now why my mom wanted children so firmly in her youth, she had that much love to give, enough for four persons, to love fully... fully with all she is, sincerely, and that's a lot, that's three times and a half more than any individual, she had that much to give, and four persons couldn't even match and give back the love she gave, it's hard to feel satisfied when you give so much and getting only crumbles in return, that makes you humble, insecure, and live mostly through fictional stories and imagination.

And me... Me, i have that trait in myself too, it's hereditary, it's conditioning, but it was too much to handle, so i pretended i was indolent, heartless, i pretended i could never love anyone and no one could ever love me, i built theories and reasons to those "facts", i've hidden my feelings for others, for years and years, i denied it, and now it's consuming me, because as much as i want to give, i can't force others to give me back, and it makes me feel ignored and unimportant, i am like my mom a freak of love and sharing, i'm too much for others it seems, i wish i was charismatic and push people, without having to ask, to give me plenty, thanks to a beautiful face or popular skills, but i'm simply an outcast right now, a lovesick outcast in need for resilience, someone to echo what i can give, someone to tell me thruthfully that i am loved. (which is that i'm important, my opinions count, the person thinks about me and desires me and wants to share her true self with me, thoughts, ideas, opinions, fantasies... )
That's how i flourish, in true sharing of every emotions, that's how i feel it is worth to live, and i can give a lot, my need to share is humongous, endless.

(i don't want no solution, i can't go elsewhere, i don't want to go where my feelings aren't, i understand we all have a unique way to give and we all share differently, i know i need a lot because i'm giving a lot, so i can't wait i must go get what i need or i'll never be happy)

----- i wrote this some time ago, i feel i'm already over this, because i've accepted it, i'm proud of what i am and i'm sure i can do something for me and do the moves to get what and who i really, truly want ------

I will go to you!