See this couple, a middle aged woman, fat and ugly, wearing a lame, reddish, and washed-out t-shirt, so skimpy that her belly stretches it awkwardly, unfitting jeans and sneakers with laces too long that they sweep the ground when she walks.
She's side by side with an old guy, his spine bent under the weight of years, a bony figure dragging his feet around, wearing loose jeans and a striped lumberjack shirt, glasses on his hooked nose and curly grey hair on his skull. Probably she works as a janitor or clean the rooms of random companies at night, she doesn't have many friends, maybe none, and she lives at the fringe of society, spending much time in front of the tv set. And maybe he works as an archivist, alone, underground, when he comes back late at night he makes himself a cup of tea and sits on the couch, next to her and she would lay her head on his shoulder for a while. On days like today they linger around in hidden places, unpopular, taking pictures with and old fashioned camera (one who looks like an accordion).

There's a large field of rebelling weeds, spreading on a slope down to a road, on top of the hill is an abondonned manor, at dusk young people come here to drink beers, empty cans are scattered on the steps to the great entrance, during the day it's a lonely deserted place, and the noise of the city doesn't even reach the main building.

The two lie down in the grass.

I bring you here, where i like to wander, in those intimist places made to cuddle and get close, or get lost and nostalgic, everywhere i go on my own is a place like this, mostly forsaken and unspectacular, but i can't hug you and maybe i'm envious of that eerie couple, i'm like that shapeless woman but i'm still too proud, this is where i go naturally for myself, everything is a matter of intimacy with me, be fully present with another, and you shouldn't be there with me, you should be in the bustle of downtown, texting while walking elbow to elbow with strangers, we can't appreciate those ragged places if we can't cuddle as it's almost the main purpose to be here for simple people, with you it's impossible and i have no grudge, i go here by myself all the time and i like it solitary until someone can see what i see. Do you see?!



You keep saying you do, spontaneously, and it makes it more painful for me.