i am unremarkable, medium, average, (sometimes plus plus)
I heard about and graze a lot of different things but i'm not really good at anything,
I don't even have a job, i'm useless for society,
I'm definitely not pretty but i'm also not necessarily ugly in the way that i keep myself healthy,
I'm not talented in any way but i'm curious and kind,
(I got sometimes that line "you're a good person", and that's it, nothing more, nothing less, nothing else, nothing exciting, how random, how prosaic!)
I can tell that i think outside the spiral, i'm like a free electron, fast and fragile, in its own space,
Never really attached to any group, my mind isn't gregarious, to support that belief that i can only trust myself alone, others will always be conjectures and question marks,
I feel an inner peace to be able to describe and assemble what would be my ideal world, the basic rules, in which i will act how i feel good to act with the absolute certainty that it's right for all and everyone (but without expecting it),
In my mind i can be unknown, unoticeable, unloved, like it is, and finally that state is an equilibrium,
it is even and stable, there's a peace to accept that,
to live with no need and to smile alone.
And at the same time to be open for humanity and the worlds to collapse over me.
Because no thing, no people, no object, no job, no art, no matter, wood, metal, flesh, paint, juice, blood, gold, no word, ink, paper, mail, song, book, no plant, no tree, no cloud, no air, no tatoo, no garment, no concept, no emotion, no move, no kiss, Lalalala, is more important than Being and respect Being in the simplest, Nothing!
I understand what you are saying, but I disagree on a few points. First, I think you do in fact have many talents (for example, you play the bass and you are good at a specific position in basketball. Those, you could argue, are skills that can be perfected through practice but there's still a level of talent required there... especially with music and composition, if you play passionately that means you truly have a talent because even if someone learned a million different songs if they lack the feeling for music they will play emotionless). So I think you say are still making this statement out of negativity toward yourself, discounting your talents.
RépondreSupprimerSecond, I feel we can't go through life without ups and downs. There are many things that happen to us that are not in our control, and it can really be upsetting even if you are the most accepting (like death of a loved one, or being personally harassed or robbed to name a few). I think it's impossible to be unaffected by those hurtful experiences in life, what we can do is have an accepting attitude (which you said and I am on the same page on that). Even if things go wrong if you have an inner peace life will be less of a pain. Easygoing.
I also think it is natural to have aspirations, so in that sense human beings are generally always in some sort of progression to acquiring or perfecting a new skill.
Was i negative, toward myself? i don't really think i was; i was realistic up to what i perceive, in all i check i see people so talented in what they do, what they create, i see people so pretty, and to me it's obvious i can't compare, then i say that i accept being average, naturally my mind couldn't bear to practice the same skill over and over to reach the state of virtuoso, it will bore me, i like checking and trying many things even if it means never be really good at one, this is how i function and i'm ok with that; so i don't say that what i am is insignificant, if someone is respectful it's always a good time to spend with him, that's all it requires for me and i think i am.
RépondreSupprimerThen for me life is not made to be subject to ups and down, it's not made to suffer, suffer is unatural, you know you reached enlightenment when you can sit on a rock doing nothing all day and be happy, at peace inside, well that's an image, but i mean i sure learn to be constantly stable and peaceful no matter what, this is real happiness for me, (and this can be reached by this absolute trust in one's being), and so i don't care about ambition, i don't do things, i don't learn new skills to please others, i do what i like in the respect of others, that's all.
I don't feel negative those days even if detached, but thanks for your comforting words, you seem more positive, and that's the way, Go!
I like how you said about being. Sometimes it simply is, and it's something we honestly don't think about much. I enjoy your blog!
RépondreSupprimerMany thanks! Recently i took some distance from writing because i want to live in the real world a bit more, but i'd like to write about inviting anyone that can be openly sincere and positive to come to my place or to meet somewhere, in that idea that the real bonds are created in the real world.
SupprimerThis virtual "palliatives" (internet, blogger, facebook, twitter etc...) aren't fully satisfying, and i guess i'm not the only one to begin to feel that, i'd like so much to create connections with my fellow human beings, and that is done consciously in the actual real world, to go over our fears and simply communicate openly. Some called me an utopian, but that's what i believe in, sincere respectful communications in the real world, to support and learn from each others, and create real bonds. This is life to me and i know i'm not fake. Peace!