"Be it spoken aloud or silently kept in thoughts, words can almost have a spellbinding effect on you. You can easily lost yourself in it, let them hypnotize you and implicitly believe that when you put a word on an object, you know what is that object. One thing is certain : you don't know what it is. You only set a label on the mystery it dwells. Everything that exist -a bird, a tree, a simple rock and off course a human being - can't be totally known. Why? Because every thing has an unfathomable depth. All that we perceive, experience or think is only a superficial layer of reality, the extreme tip of the iceberg."

New Earth

"If God had a need to be worshipped, he would have created only dogs. A dog is more capable at loving then a man. A dog, starved, beaten, thrown in waters by his owner, if he survives, will come back, whining with love, to his feet. Here is definitely the believer as Churches dream him."

-

"Nothingness changes and turns into an atom.
The atom changes and turns into matter.
Matter changes and turns into life.
The roots of the tree eat the earth and inert matter becomes living matter, flowers, sap, scents.
The beast eats the plant, eats the seed and the leaf of the tree, and matter becomes wing, blood, eye.
Man eats the plant and the flesh of the beast, and matter becomes thought.
What's next?
Who?
Who feed on the Man? What becomes of our joys, our digested loves?"

Hunger of the Tiger

Words are only words, an invention, claiming for different meanings depending on the mindset, they must not hurt us.

"Sun and moon
Day and night
Darkness and the light

Comes and goes
All so fast
Nothing ever lasts

It seems I’m living in a place
Forgotten now by time’s pace
So I’m left alone

You and i
Hand in hand
We have just begun

Somehow I’m
Holding back
What I feel for you

I’m always living with my fears
The time is swiftly drawing near
I’ll be left alone

Our moments pass on by
Then people pass on by
And love keeps drifting away
It all keeps drifting away

One day I’ll be there
Someday I’ll be there
End of this long and lonely road.
There is a place where tenderness calls the Solitude a friend

No one is with me
Nothing is with me
All that remains are memories
There is a place where coldness and warmth are Woven into one

Do I love?
Do I hate?
So I hesitate

When I know
When I feel
I may be too late

It seems I’m living in a world
Where joy and sadness have no shape
They are both the same

The sky is passing by
The clouds are passing by
The rain keeps falling on me
It all keeps falling away"


And my hands, my lips,
my tongue, my cheeks,
my skin, want to touch you.

"We are surrounded with miracles to which we are accustomed to. We live by miracles, all living things are miraculous in its minor details, but we are so accustomed to the wonderful everyday that it has lost all power to amaze us."

"Nous sommes entourés de miracles auxquels nous sommes habitués. Nous vivons par miracles, tout le vivant est miraculeux dans ses moindres détails, mais nous sommes si accoutumés au merveilleux quotidien qu'il a perdu tout pouvoir de nous émerveiller."

La Faim du Tigre

Even in dreams

It's too much indecent to publish!
I met her in a sort of reunion about career prospects, or health information, she's an asian-american, small, thin, long black straight hair and matt skin, except she doesn't have slanted-eyes, i felt an immediate friendly attitude between us.
We walked home together afterwards, passing through a decent neighborhood, she was few steps in front of me, i caught up on her and suddenly asked if i could kiss her, implying going all the way, making it out, in the shade of an alley of that clean neighborhood.
She showed no surprise, not one twitch, she faced me smiling calmly and welcomed me without second thinking, putting her arms around me and stroking my tense back.
I had the leading role, i was decided, no hesitation in my moves, i kissed her intensely, avidly, i rolled my tongue around hers like a snake on a branch, i licked her lips, and we kissed with suction and ardor, eyes closed to let us feel only through the contact of our skins.
We pressed and touched, i started to tease the base of her neck with my mouth, beating it up with my tongue, and slowly my hand was going down, on her tiny breasts, on her belly, on her pubis, without much pressure so she can feel the warmth and guess where i go, i trick her to think i'm going to touch and then i caress from another angle, and she moans and shivers, i go a little farther down, under her clothes, i delicately pet her sex with the ridge of my finger like i would gently flip the pages of a book, she sighs and gasps, we're sweating and twitching.
Thus she stops me, we look at each other, we're outside under a blue sky, in a city, our course should start again soon and we didn't eat like we were supposed to during that break, she says "i'm sorry i thought it would be faster" with a kind voice, we both enjoyed what happenned, but i thought "is that how you are used usually, oh i am sorry too, i just can't be casual, and i always take too much time to get to know", we released our embrace, resting, watching each other.
Even in dreams....

There's something broken in me, that prevents me to connect, to be appealing and to settle along what the majority wants to live.
When i watch women alone at a table in front of me in a restaurant, and even if i could be physically fine for them, i feel the expectations they could have about a relationship going all along a human life makes me unfit for the role, i'm an innocent, a kid inside, a destroyer of identity, i can be faithful, more than any man but i believe strongly in my individuality, the things in life that i enjoy personally, like i can enjoy the vision of a woman, my fingers strumming and sliding on the shiny body of a guitar, my tight muscles expressing on a run, on a dance, on a twitch or on an escape, the art and beauty and love that i feel and enjoy only for myself without bending to others' will, i can't be nice "to be nice", for someone to appreciate me he/she can only do it for himself/herself, or never, surely not in a concept or a norm, i've got so much more to share than lust and conformity (that everyone seems to stop at), but i seem to feel that no one can function along those lines, by the side of my aura, free of the mind and all forms, and confident enough to enter a world without a safety net and pre-conceived ideas. It seems no one has the courage to be real in the void, a formless, timeless dimension, that's what i propose, for this i'm a monster.

why do men sometimes feel an impulse of affection toward their girlfriends when they see a beautiful woman?

- I'm watching another woman,

(then thinking about his woman)

 I love you!

(ready for analysis, where does that thought come from.)


  Men, you walk along,
on your own, the woman you date is away,
and you come across a girl that you watch intensely,
she is attractive to you.
She's got style!

Maybe she hops right and left, agile and nifty in her thin and practical leather shoes,
she moves her hips in a rocky and elusive taunting.
Maybe there's lace at the fringe of her tight black skirt,
which shapes her bum round like an apple.
Maybe she put blackness and watery particules to circle the changing rays of  her pupils,
green, blue, yellow sparks and you catch fire when she watches you.
Maybe her cheeks show marks of a shy but cheerful personality, a smiler at heart.
Maybe the pure tone of her skin fits the untidyness of her hair,
and flowers are prettier when delicately arranged on her head.
Maybe her hypotic arms fly in a trance that carries you on a stream of desire.

We can think a thousand "maybes" that this girl can have,
that girl just there, definitely pretty.

Then you think about your own partner, the one you decided to "surrender" to,
a liberation, a mutual trust, not a misunderstood enslavement.
(Well, at least an attempt at that, more or less unconscious, more or less successful)
You would get lost in that strong feeling, your entire body vibrates,
your chest is open and rejuvenating,
creases form on the corner of your eyes as they get tighter in concentration of joy,
your muscles relapse
your head turns up, you rise in that certitude.

Men do you feel that,
could you, would you?!

Then you would feel enticed to think and say tenderly
"It's you i chose",
all the greatest unbreakable affection you feel,
overwhelming.
And that's a realization that appearance is nought,
real connections are in the stillness of Being.

But,
The question was : why do men feel an impulse of affection toward their girlfriends when they see a beautiful woman?

So,
is it lust, always....
?!

Disconnection, story of loneliness (Kûki ningyô)

 -Say, do you know a bug
called the mayfly?

-The mayfly...
Dies a day or 2 after it gives birth
So its body is empty
No stomach or intestines
It's filled with eggs instead
It's a creature that's born
only to give birth
Humans aren't so different
Pointless...

-I'm empty, too...

-A marvelous coincidence
I'm the same...
I'm all empty

-I wonder if there are others

-These days, everybody is

-Everybody?

-Yes, especially,
everyone living in this kind of city
You're not the only one


-Say, do you know this poem?

-Poem?

-You don't know poems?

-Doesn't matter,

-"Life is..."

-Life is...

-Let's see, "life is..."

-Let's see, life is?

It seems life

is constructed in a way

that no one can fulfill it alone

Just as

it's not enough for flowers

to have pistils and stamens

An insect or a breeze

must introduce a pistil to a stamen

Life contains its own absence,

which only an Other can fulfill

It seems the world
is the summation of Others

And yet,

We neither know nor are told

that we will fulfill each other

We lead our scattered lives,

perfectly unaware of each other...

(-Welcome, would you like
to buy a cake?)

(-The master has come home

Welcome back, Master)

Or at times, allowed to find

the Other's presence disagreeable

Why is it,

that the world is constructed
so loosely?

(-I'm Misato

-How old are you, Misato?

-I'm 24

-24...

-Misato, do you know
a good restaurant nearby?

-I just started yesterday

-I understand

-What do you like?

-I like pasta

-I like pasta, too!)

(-I want Extra Rice

-I want Extra Rice, too

-Cancel the ham and cheese
hamburg steak

-Lunch specials?

-More water with lots of ice

-Right away

-I'll take the lunch special instead

-The lunch special?)

(-The suspect, Kume, confessed that

he had bought one gram from a foreigner
for 7,000 Yen when he traveled to Osaka

-So expensive...)

A horse fly,

bathed in light,

flies in close

to a blooming flower

I, too, might have been

someone's horse fly

Perhaps you, too,

had once been my breeze

Transforming suffering into peace

"I do not see how one can surrender to suffering. As you yourself pointed out, suffering is non-surrender. How could you surrender to non-surrender?

Forget about surrender for a moment. When your pain is deep, all talk of surrender will probably seem futile and meaningless anyway. When your pain is deep, you will likely have a strong urge to escape from it rather than surrender to it. You don't want to feel what you feel. What could be more normal? But there is no escape, no way out. There are many pseudo escapes _ work, drink, drugs, anger, projection, suppression, and so on _ but they don't free you from the pain. Suffering does not diminish in intensity when you make it unconscious. When you deny emotional pain, everything you do or think as well as your relationships become contaminated with it. You broadcast it, so to speak, as the energy you emanate, and others will pick it up subliminally. If they are unconscious, they may even feel compelled to attack or hurt you in some way, or you may hurt them in an unconscious projection of your pain. You attract and manifest whatever corresponds to your inner state.

When there is no way out, there is still always a way through. So don't turn away from the pain. Face it. Feel it fully. Feel it _ don't think about it! Express it if necessary, but don't create a script in your mind around it. Give all your attention to the feeling, not to the person, event, or situation that seems to have caused it. Don't let the mind use the pain to create a victim identity for yourself out of it. Feeling sorry for yourself and telling others your story will keep you stuck in suffering. Since it is impossible to get away from the feeling, the only possibility of change is to move into it; otherwise, nothing will shift. So give your complete attention to what you feel, and refrain from mentally labeling it. As you go into the feeling, be intensely alert. At first, it may seem like a dark and terrifying place, and when the urge to turn away from it comes, observe it but don't act on it. Keep putting your attention on the pain, keep feeling the grief, the fear, the dread, the loneliness, whatever it is. Stay alert, stay present _ present with your whole Being, with every cell of your body. As you do so, you are bringing a light into this darkness. This is the flame of your consciousness.

At this stage, you don't need to be concerned with surrender anymore. It has happened already. How? Full attention is full acceptance, is surrender. By giving full attention, you use the power of the Now, which is the power of your presence. No hidden pocket of resistance can survive in it. Presence removes time. Without time, no suffering, no negativity, can survive.

The acceptance of suffering is a journey into death. Facing deep pain, allowing it to be, taking your attention into it, is to enter death consciously. When you have died this death, you realize that there is no death _ and there is nothing to fear. Only the ego dies. Imagine a ray of sunlight that has forgotten it is an inseparable part of the sun and deludes itself into believing it has to fight for survival and create and cling to an identity other than the sun. Would the death of this delusion not be incredibly liberating?

Do you want an easy death? Would you rather die without pain, without agony? Then die to the past every moment, and let the light of your presence shine away the heavy, timebound self you thought of as "you"."

The Power of Now

And then now as a bonus it's time for a cynical clip :

All fears are fear of death, because all is individual perception and the egoic mind doesn't want to be destroyed, which happens in all negative emotions, that's a fear to lose a part of one's mind (a fake created identity), hence fear of death and destruction. (Be it in any sort of relationships with others, or in attachment to any material and immaterial things [i think immaterial things are the same as relationships to others if lightning and air can be seen as "material"])

(I wrote that without having read the end of the chapter yet and it happenned that it was totally insightful, so i noted the ending in the following entry : "transforming suffering into peace", purrrrrr i enjoy that  growing and swirling knowledge very much eh eh)

Transforming illness into enlightenment

"Surrender does not transform what is, at least not directly. Surrender transforms you. When you are transformed, your whole world is transformed, because the world is only a reflection.

If you looked in the mirror and did not like what you saw, you would have to be mad to attack the image in the mirror. That is precisely what you do when you are in a state of nonacceptance. And, of course, if you attack the image, it attacks you back. If you accept the image, no matter what it is, if you become friendly toward it, it cannot not become friendly toward you. This how you change the world.

Illness is not the problem. You are the problem _ as long as the egoic mind is in control. When you are ill or disabled, do not feel that you have failed in some way, do not feel guilty. Do not blame life for treating you unfairly, but do not blame yourself either. All that is resistance. If you have a major illness, use it for enlightenment. Anything "bad" that happens in your life _ use it for enlightenment. Whithdraw time frome the illness. Do not give it any past or future. Let it force you into intense present-moment awareness _ and see what happens.

Become an alchemist. Transmute base metal into gold, suffering into consciousness, disaster into enlightenment.

Are you seriously ill and feeling angry now about what i have just said? Then that is a clear sign that the illness has become part of your sense of self and that you are now protecting your identity _ as well as protecting the illness. The condition that is labelled "illness" has nothing to do with who you truly are."

The Power of Now

Noise is Music, and Music is Noise.