5 Centimeters Per Second

For all sensitive people out there, here is an animation film that i recommend (if you're not allergic to japanese animation).
But beware, dive into the situations but see it as the wandering of humans driven by egoic emotions, they are teenagers and young adults, still lost in the search of who they are.

"whatever the bottle as long as we feel the intoxication"

Reading, like writing, is living by proxy.
Is it bad?
Pushing farther, maybe it's entirely the contrary of living.

I notice that when i want to read i can't sit still, i need to move, so i walk, i pace around my appartment, or i make an excuse to go by foot meet a friend in the suburb, on the way i'm reading along the sidewalks, and when the urge is there, even when it rains, i inconveniently hold an umbrella and a book before my eyes, i battle with the wind, and for the drops to spare the fragile paper. When i arrive i got blisters on my feet, and that impression that i traveled way farther, on imaginary lands, and that finally this time was worth the discomfort.

If my mind wasn't so troubled and such a coward, i wouldn't need books or writing, i would eat this present life with all my teeth, and bump into flesh, rust, bark, and bricks till my skin is bruised and i feel full to disgorge this life.

So, is it bad?

_________________

 Here's my journey for those days, when the sky is grey, when the air is cold and humid, and the city is slippery, i don't feel heavy, i go like a ghost and sink into the scorched and ruthless atmosphere of this island, a sort of foreign nostalgia about people i could never become acquainted with, but there, in this place that my mind create, i feel confortable.

- "Heureux... je le suis, mon couple dure, juste qu'il me manque les sous pour atteindre le bonheur parfait. Et toi ça va bien?"

- "Moi je n'ai rien du tout, et pourtant quand je pense à cette vie je n'arrive pas à être malheureux, alors c'est peut être que je suis à la place qu'il faut pour ce moment là."

* - "Happy... yes i am, my couple is lasting, i only miss some money to reach perfect happiness. And you, how are you?"

- "Me, i have nothing at all, however when i think about this life i can't bring myself to be unhappy, so maybe i am at the right place for this very moment."

"You were an accident."

How does it look?, Scrawny and raggedy, one leg shorter than the three others, a teary black eye, it even lost its cardboard ears. It must be more than forty years old, a thing from several pasts, it was already there, pathetically hung on the christmas tree during my childhood, with few of its brothers and sisters, faded blue, the grey blue of the rain, to this faded fleshy pink, and i can picture my mom creating those friends from the loneliness of her heart, in the loneliness of her room. Whatever, we make do living. But most keep an ugly scar.

(This is only relevant to me, for a long time i was part of the damaged ones, i learned to love it and love anyone else, i value the poor, the dirty, the limping, the rejected, who learned to live with passion despite being neglected from the very start.)

I'm drunk, what a bum, i don't lke that state, my dad made me drink with him, and i did it willingly, and we bickered, then we kissed good bye, a manly good bye, cheeks slaming, we're family, he thinks i'm doing nothing of my life, and i said next time i play live come see me, in the dirtiest places, i do it for nothing, and there's nothing to learn, it's entertainment and i'm a whore, but whatever i do, i don't do it for anyone, neither for my father, only to feel alive here, poor unloved notes, i will play you, for my own pleasure, and all can pass away, i will vibrate for myself alone.

I'm tired of IntensitY

In me, until now i mostly lived like that, but i'm changing significantly, and that's way more relaxing, maybe it's what we call wisdom of age. Ah... Words!

I'm tired of intensity.
Do you know where you're going with that?
You hurt yourself more than it's healthy.
When someone lays a hand flat on your thigh, you jump out of your body, putting too much focus on that hand, you get dizzy, you get all warm and sweaty, and you're overly sexually excited.
Damn! Cool down, this is too much for a simple hand, anyone's hand, resting innocently on the jeans you're wearing, the person next to you is sleeping and randomly rotated to touch you...

Taking everything emotionally seriously is definitely more a bother and a source of stress than an exhilarating experience constantly renewed. Highs and lows are tiresome to live daily.
You hear that phrase : "I think there are crudely reflective people and active people, we all have a stronger tendency in one or the other of this two aspects of a personality, and to me action people are more inclined to be materialistic, that is consuming tangible objects and such than their fellow dreamers." (i won't give more insight on this debate because it's not the point of this post).
Suddenly your blood turns faster, your cheeks redden, and your head swells painfully, a defensive stance settles in you, and words of rage toward the rascal who dared to have said that jostle in your mind, anger and shame are making your body boil and pushing you to react negatively,
Defend, Hate, Aggress, Worry, Distress,
and that main thought by your ego : "Someone is trying to eradicated your identity with his opinions! Danger! Danger!", only because you would have recognized yourself in the camp of the action people and that your conditioned mind considers "materialist" a bad, bad word, something you don't recognize yourself in and don't want to be called.
Again...
Cool down, Dammit!
When you take responsibility for who you think you are firmly (but respectfully) and communicate with the guy (the unworthy rascal from the start, yeah that one!) calmly and with openness, you realize that this person wasn't attaching any derogatory connotations to the word "materialistic", it's just a word and any one can have his own definition of any word depending on what you were exposed while developping and growing up and so what emotion you attached to each word, search in the dictionary "materialistic" isn't a negative word, it's just a word, invented by humans, so highly unstable, it's a matter of what you personally see in it, that guy (is he really a rascal now?) was in fact sharing freely his opinions with love and respect in his mind and manners, his goal wasn't to attack you, not one second, he was all innocent, just starting a debate and trying to know you, and you put yourself alone in a dire state of worry.
It's like (another example), saying to someone that he is overweight in an harmless way to communicate and speak about something tangible and relevant in the present (and that can be said without mockery and even with love, as a simple observation), if the person isn't assuming what he is, taking responsibility for his look, his way, his thoughts and hobbies who lead to that state, then he'll feel offended and he'll create painful emotions and resentment within himself who will be sooner or later directed at others (and that's a waste of energy), the starting point of the converstation is just a fact, an observation, if that pal is overweight then he should recognize it and assume it and hence live happily with it or if that makes him unhappy you could discuss solutions to help him, that's the point of communication, get the relation clearer and in the end feel better, in mutual trust, in mutual acceptance. Love is a state of mind and anyone can reach it, stop comparing, stop overwhelming emotions, in one way or the other, intensity can be destructive (because even what we see as good emotions if nested in the ego can lead to a lack, a terrible longing, be it triggered by an object or a person, any high if rooted by the ego will necesarily be followed by a low, if you want to live serenely find what comes from the Being which you are, experiment the world without label and desire, with just the pleasure to be alive in an alive universe).

(I don't say we have to make a non-judgmental remark on everything, silence is gold sometimes, let's have tact, i just took an extreme example to show how we don't necesarily know with which intention people try to communicate, so don't take this life too seriously, and speak and share freely to get the truth of all human beings, a communication in love and respect.)

Stories are for the living

-"Hello, it's Vévé, do you remember me? I don't know where to write but if you want to talk with me again give me your email.
See you maybe later."

-"Hi Véronique!
Would you like that we meet? If it's ok tell me when you are free.
Bye."

-"Hey there!
I will be very pleased to see you. I'm free everyday of the next week except tuesday.
See you."

-"Very well, let's meet wednesday then (i'm busy on monday), i come to your place.
Bye."

-"Ok See you wednesday!
Bye!"

People of the world it's as easy as that! So meet me, meet each others, meet anyone, meet everybody!