In me, until now i mostly lived like that, but i'm changing significantly, and that's way more relaxing, maybe it's what we call wisdom of age. Ah... Words!
I'm tired of intensity.
Do you know where you're going with that?
You hurt yourself more than it's healthy.
When someone lays a hand flat on your thigh, you jump out of your body, putting too much focus on that hand, you get dizzy, you get all warm and sweaty, and you're overly sexually excited.
Damn! Cool down, this is too much for a simple hand, anyone's hand, resting innocently on the jeans you're wearing, the person next to you is sleeping and randomly rotated to touch you...
Taking everything emotionally seriously is definitely more a bother and a source of stress than an exhilarating experience constantly renewed. Highs and lows are tiresome to live daily.
You hear that phrase : "I think there are crudely reflective people and active people, we all have a stronger tendency in one or the other of this two aspects of a personality, and to me action people are more inclined to be materialistic, that is consuming tangible objects and such than their fellow dreamers." (i won't give more insight on this debate because it's not the point of this post).
Suddenly your blood turns faster, your cheeks redden, and your head swells painfully, a defensive stance settles in you, and words of rage toward the rascal who dared to have said that jostle in your mind, anger and shame are making your body boil and pushing you to react negatively,
Defend, Hate, Aggress, Worry, Distress,
and that main thought by your ego : "Someone is trying to eradicated your identity with his opinions! Danger! Danger!", only because you would have recognized yourself in the camp of the action people and that your conditioned mind considers "materialist" a bad, bad word, something you don't recognize yourself in and don't want to be called.
Again...
Cool down, Dammit!
When you take responsibility for who you think you are firmly (but respectfully) and communicate with the guy (the unworthy rascal from the start, yeah that one!) calmly and with openness, you realize that this person wasn't attaching any derogatory connotations to the word "materialistic", it's just a word and any one can have his own definition of any word depending on what you were exposed while developping and growing up and so what emotion you attached to each word, search in the dictionary "materialistic" isn't a negative word, it's just a word, invented by humans, so highly unstable, it's a matter of what you personally see in it, that guy (is he really a rascal now?) was in fact sharing freely his opinions with love and respect in his mind and manners, his goal wasn't to attack you, not one second, he was all innocent, just starting a debate and trying to know you, and you put yourself alone in a dire state of worry.
It's like (another example), saying to someone that he is overweight in an harmless way to communicate and speak about something tangible and relevant in the present (and that can be said without mockery and even with love, as a simple observation), if the person isn't assuming what he is, taking responsibility for his look, his way, his thoughts and hobbies who lead to that state, then he'll feel offended and he'll create painful emotions and resentment within himself who will be sooner or later directed at others (and that's a waste of energy), the starting point of the converstation is just a fact, an observation, if that pal is overweight then he should recognize it and assume it and hence live happily with it or if that makes him unhappy you could discuss solutions to help him, that's the point of communication, get the relation clearer and in the end feel better, in mutual trust, in mutual acceptance. Love is a state of mind and anyone can reach it, stop comparing, stop overwhelming emotions, in one way or the other, intensity can be destructive (because even what we see as good emotions if nested in the ego can lead to a lack, a terrible longing, be it triggered by an object or a person, any high if rooted by the ego will necesarily be followed by a low, if you want to live serenely find what comes from the Being which you are, experiment the world without label and desire, with just the pleasure to be alive in an alive universe).
(I don't say we have to make a non-judgmental remark on everything, silence is gold sometimes, let's have tact, i just took an extreme example to show how we don't necesarily know with which intention people try to communicate, so don't take this life too seriously, and speak and share freely to get the truth of all human beings, a communication in love and respect.)
No matter what you say, you will offend someone. That's the simple truth in life. Everything we do and speak produces a reaction in others, sometimes it's a reaction that draws people in and sometimes it pushes them away.
RépondreSupprimerHere is an innocent example. A rabbi at my work was talking about getting a service dog, and I joined the conversation by asking her what kind of dog it would be. In response to my inquiry, my coworker jumped in the conversation and said "she's a cat person" and the rabbi's once enthusiatic face dropped to disappointment and she waved her hand to gesture that my opinion isn't authentic.
I could have felt offended, because just because I like cats doesn't mean I don't like dogs. My original question was entirely sincere. I felt the joy in her news and simply wanted to learn more details. But she suddenly turned cold, assuming that because it is evident I am a lover of cats that I won't understand how someone who likes dogs can feel about getting a new pet. So you see, in the end, I didn't feel offended (although you see in my example you can see how I could have felt rejected by her response). In fact, I thought it amusing how people can form assumptions based on little details (like something as irrelevant as what kind of pet one prefers).
I think everyone initially reacts with their ego first (feeling either pleased or attacked), and then we make a conscious effort to consider the feelings of others and understand that their opinion usually has no intention of hurting us. It's just an opinion, because everyone is unique and comes from a different background, with thoughts and feelings that belong to them alone.
I think it's true, we have to censor what we say sometimes. But in general, I say be true to yourself and never say what isn't true to you just to please someone. It's actually really easy, just be true to who you are, and if others don't respect that it's their loss. The same goes for how you feel towards others. If you feel someone is offending you, if you feel hurt all the time and are in conflict, find someone else to share with.
I sincerely hope that one day humans will evolve beyond their ego and the judgments, massively, that way people will take responsibility for themselves (and so won't be offended by anything, and so won't create anger and conflicts in them) and respect everything, the whole (living creatures, nature, and objects). Everyone will have to grow that consciousness for oneself, but we will only be saved and live better together if everybody is reaching it, but whatever i'm only dedicated to my own philosophy.
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