Here's something that was making me feel uneasy for most of my life, and i just now figured it out why is that.
From a young age i could never participate in any group activities or go to collective places, the reason is simple, you are expected to behave, to act specific ways, you are constantly under the influence of others, think about it, in bars, at school, at a restaurant, in sport clubs, at the swiming pool, at the theater, at the hospital, in the bus, at the museum, in any shop there is, at work, and so on.... , there are rules that you have to submit to, you're framed.
In my mind it means it's impossible to be true to oneself in those places and situations, you're not allowed to be real, your behaviors, your words must be contained, even if you individually act and speak under good and positive values and that it's totally harmless for anyone, you've got the weight of rules and expectations on your shoulders, you can't let yourself be,
(example : at a concert you're expected to be cheerful and dance around, but what if i just like to stand still and watch at the hands of the musicians to assess their techniques and moves, i'll be seen as someone out of place and bizarre because i don't seem to enjoy myself, which will be totally untrue from my point of view because i like watching musicians play instead of jumping around like a crazy animal),
and so personally i feel manipulated, controlled, repressed, by the vibes, the stare of others, the silent reproaches of organizers and leaders, who want for a good night out that everyone acts according to plan.
I felt that from a very young age, i think i'm a free spirit, i prefer to act on my own depending on my emotions, my instincts, i prefer building my values and my opinions, and not having something or someone telling me what to do, how to act, and what to say, so naturally i feel i don't match in all of those societal places.
I engage everyone of you to think about it and get your own opinion about what you feel while being entirely directed by the rules of a place, or a group.
while i do understand what you are saying, i don't believe that these "rules" are strong enough to make me not participate in whatever the act is at hand. certainly when going to the theatre one is expected to be respectful and quiet. would those restrictions cause me personally to no longer see movies? no, because while it may be restrictive, i am still enjoying myself nonetheless.
RépondreSupprimerconcerts are something entirely different. i believe that standing amongst a crowd you should not feel the least bit repressed. if you want to quietly watch how the musician works, who is anyone else to judge that? although i know people as a mass are judgmental. so in a way i can see how this can cause you to not fully enjoy yourself.
while i understand some rules are here for respect and order, and that i accept it, i think too often people surrender to stereotypes and prejudices, and rules that are anything but useful, moreover in a group, a common morale and a common outfit that everyone should endorse, and making the persons that are different feel ostracized, (like you said groups are highly "judgmental" and primal), or maybe it's my emphasized perceptions and emotions.
SupprimerI don't deprive myself of enjoying what i can and going out when i want to attend to something, but i can't help feeling society is trying to put me in a mold, and it's like forcing to set a square in a triangle.
I can relate to feeling uncomfortable in group situations, because as you said, there is that built in pressure depending on the environment ( for example, a formal gathering where you have to be "proper" versus a casual event, like a meeting with a group of friends in a bar where you can be more wild).
RépondreSupprimerAs much as these formalities are frustrating and restrictive, I think they have a purpose of making everyone feel included. So to fit in we have to abide by those rules, or as you said there is the consequence of being singled out as the weird one.
Personally, I have one rule that I always function in: If I don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all- or find something, no matter how small, to compliment on. I function in this rule in all social situations, because I want to be nice and if I don't have something nice I want to share then I don't share anything.
I feel like a coherent human being, i have values of respect and tolerance, i'm easy going and i never act or speak to hurt, still i could never follow what a group would want of me, it's impossible because i have my own mind, my own philosophy, my own opinions, i can share it and i can hear others' but i don't like feeling forced to take a way or play a game for the sake of abusive leaders, i can't go along mindlessly, being on rails, as i question everything and try to get to the depth of everything and everyone, and i don't need social rules to tell me what to do as i already know what to do because i'm a nice person, a lot of those rules are set for profit, to lure people to consume more for example, or to empower a group of persons by discriminating another group seen as "ennemies", this is debilitating for the individual, and i don't feel the need to be part of any group, i just want to share being to being, sincerely, without expectations and pressure to get something out of someone. The problem is that society can't be honest because it's entirely based on profit, so human relations are debased, that's mainly what disturbs me.
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