We often say that children are born to fix the psychic wounds of parents, "give me the burden i'll mend it for you", too bad there will be no descendants, to pass on that hard acquired knowledge, to bring my mom that joy she seeks that way, like a lot of people do too, because the logical conclusion is that people make children by fear of loneliness and lack of love, humans can't stand to be alone with their thoughts, their rough cogitations, tyranizing them incessantly, if in the end i solve the pain my mother gave me, and that's the route i'm taking, i will be self sufficient, that will mean being fine to be all alone with nothingness, in complete control of the tempestuous vastness of the mind, getting rid of the dependencies, that is obliterating taking steps on love and others, on icons and looks, getting rid of forms and appearances, ideas and concepts, getting rid of my own thoughts and longings for anything, it's almost like turning into a stone, unchangeable, imperturbable, unaffected, immortal.
All that my mom wished and desperately craved for, (hence the three kids, the blind faithfullness to a bitter husband, and the taste for simplicity of pleasures and objects), i have to overcome it and erase it all of my life, for that only goal to find the sheer happiness to be one with the self.
One may ask, is that worthwhile... is that final emotion worth to forget everything and strip, strip of all, except the perfect unity of one absolute Being.
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